Charleston High School Football Coach Fired Because Team Smashes Watermelons After Wins

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A Charleston, South Carolina area high school has fired a football coach for inappropriate watermelon celebrations after victories. (Am I the only person who read that sentence and thought players were screwing the watermelons “American Pie” style? Yes, I am. Okay, nevermind, I didn’t think it either). Anyway, after wins the team would get together and smash the watermelons. A school superintendent decided that smashing watermelons was racist. Seriously, she did. (Wait until she hears about the band Smashing Pumpkins. She is going to be so pissed.) They did a multiple hour investigation into the watermelon smashing. My God, every time I think people in positions of power can’t get any dumber, they do. 

Quoth the article:

“District officials released a brief statement Tuesday morning on the matter, only saying an investigation was conducted that led to Walpole’s dismissal. The statement classified the post-game celebrations described by a student and parent as “inappropriate.”

The district also named the interim coaching staff.

“Coach Andrew Rusciolelli will serve as the interim head football coach and Coach Steven Kamp and Coach Gary Weart will be assistants for the two remaining games of the 2014 season,” the statement reads.

Meanwhile, the Academic Magnet student body is being vocal in trying to get Walpole reinstated, including an online petition with more than 1,200 signatures as of 1 p.m. Tuesday. The petition was started by Darius Nwokike.

“Walpole is the greatest coach to walk Magnet’s halls,” said one student in an email to ABC News 4.”

Can I be the Martin Luther King of watermelons and share my dream with you? Regardless of your skin color, they are a delectable fruity treat. Which races don’t like watermelons? In my experience every person on earth likes watermelons. Hell, Kim Jong Un even likes watermelons and he’s an evil totalitarian leader hell bent on destroying the world. Democrats, Republicans, white people, brown people, black people, yellow people, gay Muslims, everyone loves watermelons. Especially now that they have the seedless variety of watermelon. SEEDLESS WATERMELONS ARE A SCIENTIFIC COUP. AMERICA, BITCH. 

I mean, seriously, this is the stupidest reason I’ve ever heard for anyone getting fired. 

Has anyone seen “Varsity Blues,” or “Friday Night Lights,” or, you know, actually been to high school? This is pretty much the tamest way to celebrate a victory possible. It’s also the lamest. Who wastes a watermelon? If they had fired the coach for wasting watermelons that would have made more sense to me. It would have still been stupid, but at least I would have understood — you don’t waste a seedless watermelon, that’s something we can all agree on. But, no, it was racist.

Whatever you do, don’t drop a watermelon at the grocery store.

That’s racist, y’all. 


If possible, and I didn’t believe it was, this story has gotten even more ridiculous. 

The Charleston NAACP weighed in today and compared smashing watermelons after football games to a lynching black people:

“Chapter president Dot Scott compared the ritual by Academic Magnet’s football team to a predominantly black football team urinating on a Confederate Flag as a “victory ritual” when they beat a predominantly white team. The Academic Magnet watermelon celebration being defined as “fun” was also compared to the “fun” whites used to have lynching blacks.”

I just, I give up. 

This is probably too ridiculous to even be an Onion article at this point. Especially since, if you watch the video below, it now appears that a black player came up with the initial idea to smash the watermelons after victories. 


Written by Clay Travis

Clay Travis is the founder of the fastest growing national multimedia platform, OutKick, that produces and distributes engaging content across sports and pop culture to millions of fans across the country. OutKick was created by Travis in 2011 and sold to the Fox Corporation in 2021.

One of the most electrifying and outspoken personalities in the industry, Travis hosts OutKick The Show where he provides his unfiltered opinion on the most compelling headlines throughout sports, culture, and politics. He also makes regular appearances on FOX News Media as a contributor providing analysis on a variety of subjects ranging from sports news to the cultural landscape. Throughout the college football season, Travis is on Big Noon Kickoff for Fox Sports breaking down the game and the latest storylines.

Additionally, Travis serves as a co-host of The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show, a three-hour conservative radio talk program syndicated across Premiere Networks radio stations nationwide.

Previously, he launched OutKick The Coverage on Fox Sports Radio that included interviews and listener interactions and was on Fox Sports Bet for four years. Additionally, Travis started an iHeartRadio Original Podcast called Wins & Losses that featured in-depth conversations with the biggest names in sports.

Travis is a graduate of George Washington University as well as Vanderbilt Law School. Based in Nashville, he is the author of Dixieland Delight, On Rocky Top, and Republicans Buy Sneakers Too.