Britney Spears Seems Perfectly Fine

Damn, girl.

Britney Spears has had some wild Instagram moments over the last 3-4 years where she's dancing around in her foyer throwing her hands in the air while dancing to some modern pop song. And then there's Tuesday night's incident where The Princess of Pop declared she was about to unleash her "tits" in some violent fashion.

I'll allow Britney to explain what's going on here.

"If I clapped my tits could I make one POP like a balloon 🎈 on Thursday ??? TICK TOCK TICK TOCK !!! I salute all bitches today NOT with just my middle finger 🖕🏻… but my chest too !!!! How do you spell chest … is it chess or chest ???," Spears wrote to her fans.

Say what?

Let me read that one at least 10 times to decipher what Brit, who now goes by River Red on the social media platform, is trying to say.

I did a Google lyrics search. Nothing.

After that, I did what Big Internet Journalists do and I headed for a message board to see if the fans know what's going on with her and the "tits."

"Girl we don't get it," one message board expert writes.

Others suspect this has something to do with Lynne Spears, Britney's mother, who will turn 68 Thursday.

"Translation: she is pissed and she always plays chess, not checkers, catch up!" another message board decoder concluded.

That led to another deep-thinker to pop into the chat to declare that Internet losers like me don't have reading comprehension skills.

"I really fear for everyone's lack of reading comprehension when it comes to Britney's captions now. It's been over a year, if you don't get her metaphoric way of writing, that's a them problem not hers," the expert chimed in.

Ah, that explains it.

Stay tuned. Britney could be dumping out balloon tricks to celebrate her mother's birthday.

Lynne Spears has had very little to say on social media about her daughter since an August post where she poured out her heart.

"Britney, your whole life I have tried my best to support your dreams and wishes!" Lynne wrote.

"And also, I have tried my best to help you out of hardships! I have never and will never turn my back on you! Your rejections to the countless times I have flown out and calls make me feel hopeless! I have tried everything. I love you so much, but this talk is for you and me only , eye to eye, in private."

Let's just hope everyone stays calm for Lynne's birthday. We don't need "tits" popping like balloons.