British Pilot Snorts Coke Off Topless Woman, Parties & Gets Fired Before Flying Home To UK: Report

British Airways pilot Mike Beaton loves to party.

How do we know? Because, according to British tabloids, it was Beaton, a married father of one, who bragged to a stewardess via text messages that he'd been snorting cocaine off a topless woman's "t-ts" and had been "very, very naughty" with two women and a couple of guys in Johannesburg, South Africa before he was to fly a packed plane back to the UK.

Now the tabloids are all-in on Beaton and his party-boy behavior. It's hard to blame them when Beaton texts tell a tale that will be passed down by future pilots for generations to come.

"Get ready," Beaton tells the stewardess, according to the tabloids that have seen the texts.

He then starts telling the coworker about how he met a "Spanish bird," a "Welsh chick" and two "local lads" when the partying commenced. The group starts throwing back shots and then they head back to the hotel bar to grab a nightcap. One of the local guys seems to be interested in the Welsh "chick" but she tells the local lad that Beaton is her boyfriend.

Somehow they all get wasted, Beaton says in the texts, to the point where they're heading to a flat belonging to one of the local lads.

The "Welsh chick" decides it's time to officially make Beaton, her boyfriend, while the Spanish chick hooks up with one of the local lads.

Still following?

The Spanish woman is "having her t-ts sucked on their sofa," Beaton reports.

Ok, now we're getting to the gist of the story.

Vodka is going down, the "girls are dancing topless," Beaton has lost his shirt and one of the locals dumps out lines of coke.

Suddenly there's a debate amongst the new friends as to which naked chest would be used to take a bump.

Beaton ends up snorting coke off "t-ts" but he doesn't specify whether it was the Welsh set or the Spanish woman, but he does announce that he and the Welsh "chick" did spend the night together but that he was "so f--ked I couldn't even lift my head."

Annnnndddd then someone ratted out poor Mike Beaton.

"He will never fly again," a British Airways source told The Sun this week after it was discovered Beaton was going to fly a plane back to the UK. With Beaton canned, the British Airways flight had to be canceled which cost the company approximate $122,000.

When Sun reporters asked Beaton's wife about her husband's wild night in South Africa, she wasn't in the mood to talk. "You must speak to my husband about it," she said.

Gulp.

What lesson did we learn here, fellas?

Never trust a stewardess with cherished texts. If you must, say it over a phone call.