The LSU-Alabama Drinking Game

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This game is so big that lots of people who don’t ordinarily watch entire games will be watching this game. It’s like college football’s own version of the Super Bowl. So how can you make things better?

With alcohol, of course.

So we present you with the LSU-Alabama drinking game.

1. Every time Verne Lundquist chortles — drink. 

The Lundquist chortle is the greatest non-verbal communication this side of your mom’s tilted head and raised index finger when you were about to disobey her.

2.  Drink when Gary Danielson points out a touchdown pass that, the implication is, he would have recognized had he been quarterback on the field.

If you threw touchdown passes via game film, Gary Danielson would be Dan Marino, Peyton Manning, and Johnny Unitas combined. No one is better at noting missed touchdowns.

3. Drink when CBS flashes the inevitable graphic of LSU’s stormy off-field season.

Bonus drink if Verne turns the word tumultuous into fourteen syllables. Or just quits halfway through the word and mentions a Jordan Jefferson’s roommate.

4. Drink when Verne mentions the college roommate of one of the players on the field. 

Lundquist’s obsession with roommates is uncanny. I first noticed this obsession during the Tebow era when Lundquist never failed to mention Tebow’s roommate. There was a 90% chance that every time the name Riley Cooper was uttered it was immediately followed by, “Tim Tebow’s roommate.”

I’m convinced Lundquist walks in to player interview’s for game prep with a big tablet to take notes on. At the top he has written one word, “Roommates.” All of his notes for game prep are just roommate pairings.

5.  CBS sideline announcer Tracy Wolfson — who played through a nasty cold last week — pronounces the word Coach, like this: “Cooooooch.”

When she says, “Coooooch,” drink.

If she drinks Cammy Cam juice again, you have to finish your entire bottle. If she does a sideline report that includes the phrase “synthetic weed,” the entire room does car bombs.

6. Drink when Nick Saban stares deep into your soul at the pregame or halftime interview.

We’ve talked about this with Tracy on the radio before, but whenever she asks Saban a question, he turns from her and stares directly into the camera, as if he’s a hectoring minister who knows you’re flipping over to Cinemax on demand during halftime. 

It feels like he’s truly in your living room. If he lifted his hand and did the Darth Vader choking motion, I’m convinced he could kill every Auburn fan on earth.  

7. When Bear Bryant or Tim Tebow are mentioned, and they both will be, drink.

You might be thinking, but Florida isn’t playing. You’re correct. But Tim Tebow is still going to be mentioned.

A lot.

8. Drink when cameras catch Les Miles clapping his hands together. 

Miles has a unique hand-clapping strategy. His fingers don’t touch, just the palms. It’s really pretty amazing. Once you notice it, you won’t be able to unsee it. Like recognizing that Verne is a modern day Benjamin Franklin. From now on you’re going to be like me, picturing Verne flying kites in thunderstorms.

9. Verne has fallen in love with the Honey Badger, drink when he calls Tyrann Mathieu by his nickname. 

If, by chance, Verne slips up and calls him the Herbal Badger, finish your entire beer or mixed drink. 

10. Drink every time the possibility of a rematch is mentioned.

If the SEC wants to get their money’s worth out of this game, the rematch talk should be coming fast and furious.

11. Each time Les Miles eating grass is mentioned on the telecast, drink.

Do a shot if Les Miles is mentioned in conjunction with a suggestion that Harvey Updyke might have poisoned the grass on the LSU sideline.

12. Whenver the CBS cameras catch a hot girl in the crowd and you pause your television to check her out better — I know you do this too == drink.

But make it a happy drink, not a sorrowful lament to leaving college behind.

This is a fun game.

13. Drink whenever Verne misidentifies a player or team on the field in front of him. 

This will happen.  

Also, bonus shots can be assessed to a viewer of choice for anyone who can catch Verne or Gary in an outright error and prove it using a smartphone.

14. The entire room does shots if either Verne or Gary says, “4:20 remaining in the quarter. That has more significance for some of you than others.”    

Add your own drinking cues in the comments below. Or shoot them to me on Twitter. I’ll add the best and credit y’all for them.

Also, if someone can keep a running tally of how many drinks this leads to, I’d love to see the results.

Grass Bowl coverage:

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Written by Clay Travis

Clay Travis is the founder of the fastest growing national multimedia platform, OutKick, that produces and distributes engaging content across sports and pop culture to millions of fans across the country. OutKick was created by Travis in 2011 and sold to the Fox Corporation in 2021.

One of the most electrifying and outspoken personalities in the industry, Travis hosts OutKick The Show where he provides his unfiltered opinion on the most compelling headlines throughout sports, culture, and politics. He also makes regular appearances on FOX News Media as a contributor providing analysis on a variety of subjects ranging from sports news to the cultural landscape. Throughout the college football season, Travis is on Big Noon Kickoff for Fox Sports breaking down the game and the latest storylines.

Additionally, Travis serves as a co-host of The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show, a three-hour conservative radio talk program syndicated across Premiere Networks radio stations nationwide.

Previously, he launched OutKick The Coverage on Fox Sports Radio that included interviews and listener interactions and was on Fox Sports Bet for four years. Additionally, Travis started an iHeartRadio Original Podcast called Wins & Losses that featured in-depth conversations with the biggest names in sports.

Travis is a graduate of George Washington University as well as Vanderbilt Law School. Based in Nashville, he is the author of Dixieland Delight, On Rocky Top, and Republicans Buy Sneakers Too.