Bartolo Colon Pitches A Complete Game At 48 Years Old

While most of us shop for dual head hoses at Brookstone by 48, Bartolo Colon is throwing complete games in the Mexican League. What a beast.

He threw 94 pitches to complete his outing and struck out seven to go with just two earned runs. Here are the reasons I believe Bartolo lasts this long:

For reference, Eminem is 48 years old, and he's aging like the bottom of a pirate's foot. Aging well takes effort (and some genes too), so we're just happy to see Bartolo Colon living his best life now, south of the border. Who knew that Bartolo Colon would visit the border before Kamala?