Videos by OutKick
I’m not sure there’s a more perfect Outkick Christmas video than Bama fans — wearing full Bama gear — stealing clothes from Big Al’s Merchandise and Apparel.
Fourteen hours ago Big Al’s posted this message on Facebook:
“To all of our Facebook friends, Big Al’s desperately needs your help!
Thursday we captured on video a couple of people stealing a large amount of merchandise during their visit. Attached is a short video of them. If anyone out there recognizes these culprits, please call the Florence Police Department @ 256-760-6610 or let us know through Facebook. We really appreciate your help!”
There are several things I love about this video. Let me count them:
1. The thieves are wearing Bama gear while stealing Bama gear.
Percentage of crimes that are committed in the state of Alabama while wearing Bama gear? 97%.
2. The woman has a purse with a cross on it.
That’s just perfect.
The Ten Commandments said, “Thou shalt not steal.”
But what most people forget is that in one of the parts of the Bible that was later cut out because it didn’t fit the ancient Christian hegemony Jesus also said, “Thou shalt not steal, unless you’re a Bama fan. Roll Tide, bitches!”
3. The guy in the wheelchair.
I mean, if he’s actually in a wheelchair — it would be a total Bama fan move to not actually be in a wheelchair and just be faking it to steal more Bama gear — how easy is it to hide? There aren’t that many huge Bama fans in wheelchairs, right?
I doubt that he’s actually confined to a wheelchair because of the way he checked out those pants. I’m no expert on buying Bama pants when you are in a wheelchair, but can you really size them by draping them over your seated immobile legs?
4. The fact that this camera is in HD.
Wow, this is an incredible security camera. Usually security cameras are so bad you can barely tell what’s going on in them. If Big Al’s has invested in an HD camera like this it has to be because so many Bama fans are stealing Bama gear, right?
5. The couple is definitely going to sell this Bama gear to buy tickets to the Sugar Bowl.
I mean, is there any doubt?
6. This guy has definitely called me gay on Twitter.
He also uses the wrong your.
I would wager money on this.
Merry Christmas, y’all.