Videos by OutKick
Over 150,000 Alabama and Auburn fans showed up for the Crimson Tide and Tiger spring games this past weekend.
And at least two couples got married, one at Alabama and one at Auburn.
Both grooms wore cargo shorts.
But which wore it best?
Let’s dive in and decide which Alabama wedding was more awkward.
And God bless Alabama and Auburn fans for continuing to amaze us.
Even when we all secretly think there is nothing that either fan base can do — especially Alabama’s — to shock us.
They just keep keeping on.
First, we owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to AL.com since they actually have video of the Auburn couple being married at Toomer’s Corner.
Now that you’ve watched the Auburn wedding video, here’s the only elusive photo of the Alabama fan couple pledging themselves to each other forever.
And while the Auburn wedding video is funny — how often is the bride’s first act upon marriage to take a roll of toilet paper and throw it into a tree — if you leave aside the decision of the groom to go with cargo shorts and an Auburn visor, it’s really not that bad of a wedding video.
After all, the oaks at Toomer’s Corner have to come down now and this couple are such massive Auburn fans that they wanted the memory.
But the Bama fan wedding picture at the spring game?
It’s a pure dixieland delight.
You just can’t top Bama fans.
How many ways do I love this photo?
Let me count the ways.
1. Cargo jorts exist.
This is important because you can carry your GED everywhere you go.
2. Given every potential choice of what pants or shorts to wear to his wedding, this Bama fan groom chose cargo jorts.
This is what he picked!
You probably haven’t picked any shorts this bad to wear to a major life event, but this is why most women do not trust their would-be husbands to select our own wedding attire.
3. He’s wearing a houndstooth hat.
Is this the first time that a houndstooth hat has been part of the outfit and simultaneously been the most classy piece of clothing an individual is wearing?
I think so.
4. Shirt choice? Kenny Stabler throwback Tide jersey.
Roll Mother-Fu—- Tide Roll!
The only thing better than this?
If Stabler had shown up, beer in each hand while also wearing a Stabler jersey, to be the best man.
The groom could probably have gotten made this happen for $50. (Of course that’s a day’s wage at Waffle House).
5. The minister is in sunglasses.
I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a minister wear sunglasses for a wedding.
Especially when he’s standing in the shade.
Is the minister trying to hide?
6. The minister is also wearing an Alabama button down, size 4XL.
Which is not tucked in.
Because why would you ever tuck your shirt in while you’re officiating a wedding?
7. I’m praying this couple wrote their own vows.
Groom: “I will love you like you are Nick Saban holding free beef jerky and Mountain Dew.”
Bride: “When you started paying child support before you even knew that Bear was yours, I knew you were the one.”
8. We can barely see the bride, but she doesn’t appear to be that bad looking.
Her legs are slim — which is impressive considering there’s a decent chance she’s pregnant right now — and her face is pretty cute in a Sammi from Jersey Shore kind of way.
You want to know why so many people are moving to the South?
Because even if you get married in a Kenny Stabler jersey, a Bear Bryant Hat, and cargo jean shorts, you can still outkick your coverage here.
9. What’s the bride wearing?
I asked my wife to go CSI-Bama wedding.
After scrutinizing the photo she said, “You can see above her knee so she’s either wearing short denim shorts or a short skirt. I’m going with a skirt, a tasteful Alabama cheerleading skirt.”
10. Odds this is a first marriage?
11. Keep in mind this is the Alabama spring game.
This couple didn’t even get married outside the stadium at an actual football game.
12. Not pictured?
Bride’s father, holding a shotgun, and wearing a Got 15 t-shirt.
13. How desperate are women to find men to marry these days?
They’re willing to get married outside spring football games to men in cargo shorts.
I’m sorry, ladies.
I really am.
On the positive side, ladies, if you’re really lucky, one day your husband will provide you with children.
Then he will dress these young children up as pimp assistants when he wears his pimp outfit.
And you will have to take their photo.
(By the way, this photo is truly superb. This should be the family Christmas card).
Roll Tide, War Eagle, Go Vols!