Videos by OutKick
Imagine being a huge nerd most of your life and then you become one of the richest men in the world. In the case of nerds, Mark Zuckerberg, 37, and Jeff Bezos, 57, there comes a point where you’re a rich nerd who has to out eccentric the other insanely rich nerds who are out there doing wild things. I wrote Monday morning about how Bezos going into space was definitely one of those rich eccentric resume things that will drive other rich guys crazy.
Now comes Zuck out in a field training in spear throwing, which clearly will lead to him killing prey and eating off the land of some far-off, yet-to-be-discovered part of the world that we’ve never heard of before. I could picture Zuck doing some mission on an island like that of North Sentinel, the island in the Indian Ocean where, in 2018, American John Allen Chau was blasted with arrows shot by tribesmen.
I could see Zuck trying to infiltrate some similar island to spread Instagram Messenger deeper into the bush, but there’s always the chance that Zuck will run into tribesmen who have murdered their Facebook apps from their iPhones that were dropped by Apple drones flying over the Indian Ocean. Zuck will have to f–k up some tribesmen by lobbing spears straight out of his Herschel backpack.
Mark Zuckerberg is training to be an apex predator backed by Audioslave songs and it makes me nervous pic.twitter.com/i95fdOfCPj
— gene park (@GenePark) June 7, 2021
Eventually, Zuck will convert the tribesmen over to Facebook from Snapchat where they’ve been keeping track of their fellow islanders. Yes, it’s going to be a tough sell because the tribesmen know Facebook offers zero ‘adult’ content, but Zuck has already warned the tribes that he will unleash a virus on their iPhones if he can’t get compliance.
“Don’t make me spear-f–k you indigenous nerds,” Bad Boy Zuck will be heard saying as he personally deletes Snap off all of their phones.
One by one, Zuck, wearing his trusty Ray-bans, will look the islanders into the eyes and tell them that they’ll come to love creating their own neighborhood groups where residents can bitch about just about anything imaginable. Or they can post classifieds where other islanders are encouraged to stop over to their hut and dig up rocks out of their yards FOR FREE!!!
Meanwhile, Bad Boy Bezos will be off in space picturing drones delivering packages to house pods around the Austin of Mars where pods are selling for $400k over asking.
That’s how I picture the Bad Boy Summer of 2021 playing out. Let’s hear your Bad Boy of Summer ideas. Tell me where Zuck’s going to be using that spear. Tell me how you think this whole Bezos space trip will go. What’s the future look like for these Bad Boys. Hit me up via email (firstname.lastname@example.org) or slide into the DMs.
Age 57: flying to space w/ brother
Age 49: buys Washington Post
Age 39: survives helicopter crash
Age 36: starts space company
Age 35: becomes billionaire
Age 33: becomes millionaire
Age 30: starts Amazon
Age 22: starts work on Wall St
Age 16: summer job at McDonalds pic.twitter.com/xFBCKZX6Ad
— Jon Erlichman (@JonErlichman) June 7, 2021
Jeff Bezos is heading to space on July 20, as part of the first crewed flight of his Blue Origin rocket ship.
The world's richest man, Bezos made an est. $75 billion last year but stripped Amazon workers of hazard pay in June. Activists named him the "Pandemic Profiteer." pic.twitter.com/EsM0w4NQ8n
— AJ+ (@ajplus) June 7, 2021