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Bama fans are dumb.
This is an irrefutable fact of life. Like saying gravity exists or Dana from “Homeland” should be written off the show via terrorist attack.
But even I’m sometimes shocked by how dumb they can be when it comes to tattoo decisions.
Enter the latest full back tattoo which was sent to me via this Twitter message last night..
Yes, that’s really a skeleton and the word choice really does say: “Sons of Saban Alabama.”
The Sons of Saban, as best I recall, began calling into Paul Finebaum’s show about six or seven years ago. Now they have a new tattoo.
Immediately y’all began clamoring for me to feature this in the awkward fan photo deconstruction. Who am I to resist an opportunity to ridicule Bama fans?
So without further ado, here we go, my 12 favorite things about this photo.
It’s truly a work of art.
1. The grim reaper skeleton is holding an assault rifle with a scythe on the end of it.
Because this makes perfect sense.
See, the grim reaper likes to do his killing from a little more distance nowadays, hence the scoped rifle.
But he can still kill you with the old school scythe too.
2. The clear intent here is to suggest that Nick Saban is the spawn of Satan.
Which is, to be fair, 100% accurate according to Vanderbilt football coach James Franklin.
3. It appears it would be physically impossible to fire this weapon without disemboweling yourself.
Which means Bama fans would certainly buy this gun if it was for sale at Wal Mart.
4. The skeleton is holding an Alabama crystal ball.
Because…I honestly have no idea.
I’m going to guess that the Saban skeleton is holding up the crystal ball to show you that Alabama’s Bama Bang’d logo is the last thing you’ll ever see when a skeleton grim reaper arrives at a football stadium and….honestly, someone help me here, I can’t make my brain dumb enough to understand the intent of this image.
“And more flag!”
6. In a touching symbolical connection, the skeleton has crimson eyes.
This is important because otherwise we might not know that the grim reaper skeleton was an Alabama fan who had recently spent time smoking pot with Saban’s players.
7. The barely visible doo rag on this upstanding gentleman’s head.
Odds that it says, “The South will rise again!” 78%
Odds that the man with this tattoo lives in a trailer. 100%
8. Someone designed this tattoo and was so proud of it, he immediately posed for his picture to be taken.
Because he thought it was so awesome.
Think about this for a minute.
There is a segment of the population that will see this tattoo and think, “Badass.”
Even more ridiculous? Someone out there is actually jealous of this guy’s tattoo and will copy it.
This will happen.
9. The skeleton’s gun has no trigger.
Asked why, the tattooed man responded, “That’s because Alabama players don’t need no triggers! They just beat up other students with their fists, son! Roll Mother F—– Tide, Roll!”
10. There is a 100% chance this guy thinks “your gay.”
Often he thinks this while lying pantsless in his bed starting at the poster of Nick Saban affixed to his ceiling.
11. What would this guy do about his tattoo if Nick Saban left for the NFL?
I’m not kidding about this, Nick Saban controls roughly 90% of the state of Alabama’s collective self-esteem.
The moment he leaves the entire state of Alabama is going to deflate like a penis after the cialis wears off.
12. What would Nick Saban say if he saw this tattoo?
One of the great things about the Saban and Alabama relationship is that Saban hates these types of Alabama fans. What’s more, he doesn’t even disguise the hate. So can you imagine the interaction between the two? It would be extraordinary.
Saban meets average Alabama fans would be an extraordinary reality television show.
Did I miss anything?
Hop in the comments below.
And remember, at OKTC we ridicule all awkward fan photos equally.
Humor doesn’t discriminate — although it does feature Kentucky and Alabama fans at alarming frequency.