Anti-Capitalist Cafe Closes After 1-year, Shocking No One

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A coffee shop in Toronto that tried to stick it to capitalism by letting customers pay whatever they wanted has closed after one year in business.

No, one could have seen that one coming…

Fittingly enough, this place was called The Anarchist (Ooooooh, edgy…) and encouraged customers to pay whatever they could afford… at least for drip coffee. For anything else, you had to pay an actual price.

Even anarchists have bills to pay.

The cafe was eye-rollingly billed as an “anti-capitalist café, shop and radical community space on stolen land.” This meant that in addition to coffee and various cafe goods, it sold radical books, art, pins, and T-shirts to people who all probably hate their parents for one reason or another.

Additionally, people who didn’t buy anything were allowed to hang out or use the restrooms.

The store closed recently after being open a little more than a year. Ironically, according to The New York Post, most locals wouldn’t go there because it was too expensive.

But would it be a failed, ultra-progressive, über woke business if the owner didn’t try to save face by saying the business was actually a success and then trying to paradoxically blame a lack of generational wealth for its failure?

No. No, it would not.

Anti-Capitalist Coffee Shop Owner Can’t Admit It Was A Dumb Idea

Owner of the anti-capitalist coffee shop (yet another dash of delicious irony to this story) Gabriel Sims-Fewer wrote a statement on the shop’s website.

“Unfortunately, the lack of generational wealth/seed capital from ethically bankrupt sources left me unable to weather the quiet winter season, or to grow in the ways needed to be sustainable longer-term.”

That’s right, it wasn’t that the idea was terrible, it was all capitalism’s fault, maaaaaan. Although, don’t get it mixed. This endeavor was nothing short of a massive success.

“The Anarchist has been a huge success in every way I hoped, and has given me so much inspiration and education that I plan to put to use in future projects.”

Maybe “success” means something different in Canada.

Sims-Fewer then offered a fitting send-off at the end of the statement. One that makes it seem like the only people in Toronto angrier than Maple Leafs fans are the city’s anarchists.

“F–k the rich. F–k the police. F–k the state. F–k the colonial death camp we call ‘Canada.'”

Do you mean to tell me people weren’t lining up to patronize this dude’s shop?! WHAT?!

But fear not anarchists living in Canada’s most expensive city. He says he’ll be back with new ventures that are likely just as doomed to fail as the coffee joint.

Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle

Written by Matt Reigle

Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.


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  1. This is hilarious, I laughed my way through this article and can picture Chris Farley doing his famous “I’m such an Idiot!” bit or Chaz from Wedding Crashers saying his great “What an Idiot” line.

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