It’s Tuesday, time for the anonymous mailbag to distract you from all your work or school related obligations.
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“My wife and I have been married for over a year now, and we’re both 27 (almost 28) years old. We haven’t rushed into kids and have discussed the possibility of having them in a year or two. However, even though we don’t have kids, my wife has been begging (she literally said “I’m begging you”) to go to a Christmas tree farm to take pictures for a Christmas card.
What’s more, she doesn’t just want a picture of us two, she wants a picture of us two and our two dogs. I have been adamant that I want no part of this picture, especially if the dogs are involved. I’ve told her that I would consider doing it if she leaves the dogs out of the picture and that may be an option. However, I just don’t see the point of these Christmas card pictures in general, especially when you don’t have kids yet.
So my question to you is: (a) do I refuse to take the picture altogether and suffer the possible repercussions, (b) do I concede to take the picture without the dogs (even though she’ll probably still be upset and complain that I wouldn’t let the dogs be on our Christmas card) or (c) do I bite the bullet, take the picture with the dogs, and try to see what kind of deal I can make for agreeing to take this picture.”
The only reason to send out Christmas cards with pictures is because you have kids.
Why do I say this? Because kids change a ton over the course of a year and because families are always adding kids. Every year I get these cards and I think, “Oh, yeah, I forget (he or she) had (insert number of kids).”
I understand some of you are active on social media and see pictures of families all the time, but I’m active on social media for my work so I don’t spend any time at all reading Facebook updates of people’s families. I suspect there are a lot of people like me who get updates yearly on Christmas cards.
So I genuinely enjoy getting family photo Christmas cards.
But, again, they only make sense if kids are involved.
Getting a picture of you and your wife and your two dogs is just pathetic and, honestly, makes it look like you’re just wanting to brag about your family. (Plus, it makes dogs the equivalent of kids, and I’m not a dog is the equivalent of kids person because kids are hard to take care of and dogs aren’t. So stop with your stupid my family is me and my dog talk.)
Plus, adults don’t look that much different from one year to the next. If you and your wife look that much different now compared to when you got married, that’s a really bad sign for your future. Kids look totally different from one year to the next.
So I’d stick to your guns here.
No photos until you have kids. (Unless and until she offers to have sex with you in reindeer antlers and a sexy elf costume — don’t judge. Then you relent.)
“My kindergarten daughter (whose favorite thing in the world is Halloween) and their class (large public school with 7 total K classes of 18 each) is having a Halloween party next Friday. We just learned that one of the families in her class does not participate in Halloween for religious reasons. Stupid as hell to me; but ok, to each their own. Well, they call our teacher about it and she elects to cancel the Halloween party and makes it a “Fall Party” instead.
Absolutely nothing related to Halloween allowed: no costumes, no monsters, no jack-o-lanterns, no witches, no mummies, no haunted houses. Nothing. They are going themes of candy corn, and straw, and scarecrows, and pumpkins (but not carved!). Basically they are having a Thanksgiving party in October, only to then have another Thanksgiving party in November.
How have we gotten to this point in society, Clay?!? Why does EVERYONE ELSE have to cater to and sacrifice for the limited views of ONE single family/student? I am so hot about it. I thought of fighting against it, but it failed the cost/benefit analysis to me.”
If you’re a parent and you feel incredibly strongly that Halloween shouldn’t be celebrated then the easy solution is this — keep your kid out of school that day!
That way you don’t require everyone else to change their behavior to fit your own lifestyle choices. If your kid can’t afford to miss a day of school then you have more serious things to worry about than Halloween, your kid is an idiot and might as well enjoy Halloween now since they’re probably going to be either jobless or in prison for most of their adult years.
Put simply, I don’t know why more people don’t change their own behavior instead of insisting that everyone else change theirs.
Having said that, once the parent complains the teacher is in an awful spot. Because if she (this sounds like a compromise from a woman) just says screw it to the parent then the teacher is afraid of creating a mess and being labeled as “uninclusive.” So this is a compromise that makes zero sense, but is designed to placate an awful, overprotective parent.
I actually think you’re being really kind to these parents too — what kind of an asshole religious freak do you have to be to deprive your young children of the ability to dress up and pretend to be someone else and get candy? If any god is opposed to Halloween then I’d rather go to hell, honestly, because heaven with a god who considers Halloween to be a sin would be awful. Can you imagine how boring those parties in heaven would be? Like vacation bible school every day, except more boring.
I’ll be damned if I want to spend eternity there.
Plus, if dressing up for Halloween is a sin, there’s no way I’m getting through the pearly gates anyway. My sin list would be way too long.
This is a tremendously ridiculous decision and I don’t blame you for being upset, but I also agree that its probably not a battle worth fighting. Having said that, why not invite all the kids over to your house — or at least the kids in the class who are your daughter’s best friends — for a Halloween party after school one day?
In the meantime it’s becoming all too common for someone with a substantial minority viewpoint on an issue to expect everyone else to change their behavior to comport with their own worldview. These people are intolerant of the majority opinion, but expect you to be tolerant of their minority opinion. It’s mind boggling to me.
I think we have to stop acquiescing to these idiots.
I’m reading a great book now called, “The Coddling of the American Mind,”
and it makes a tremendous point about this kind of overprotection of feelings — that it actually leaves children unable to cope, which makes them more vulnerable to issues instead of less. In other words, protecting this kid from Halloween is actually teaching the kid that being exposed to things the family disagrees with is harmful and he has to be protected from this.
In other words, when we overprotect children, we actually make things worse for them than if we did nothing at all. One of the examples in the book is our society’s obsession with peanut allergies in schools. It used to be that peanut allergies were incredibly rare, but in the past generation they have exploded. Why? Because parents haven’t exposed their kids to peanuts out of fear of peanut allergies. So our society’s obsessive protection of the tiny handful of kids with peanut allergies has actually led to an explosion in even more peanut allergies. What should be happening is more exposure to peanuts, not less.
The ultimate irony is here is by creating the protective bubble, we’ve actually made the kids in the bubble more threatened than we would have if we’d never created the bubble in the first place.
I think that’s happening everywhere in American society. And it’s why my life mantra is #dbap. I think the only way to toughen up American society is by encouraging kids (and more importantly their parents) not to be pussies.
“My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half and he has very generous friends. This year one of his friends purchased NFL season tickets in a suite for our friend group. Every home game we meet at the bar then take a party bus to the stadium where we enjoy unlimited food and drinks while cheering for our NFL team. As a lifelong fan, this is a dream for me and my perfect situation.
My boyfriend and I are going to Vegas soon. We get back early afternoon on Sunday and that week the home team plays a night game. This means we would be able to go to the game. MY BOYFRIEND DOESN’T WANT TO GO. He is worried that we are going to be too hungover, too tired, and it will be a late night before work on Monday. It’s important to note that he doesn’t like the NFL because his team moved to LA and views these games as a social event to be with friends (he watches golf or other live NFL games in the suite to track his sports bets). I am a die hard, long suffering fan of this team and I live for the NFL so having the opportunity to be at every home game is something that I’ve always dreamed of, especially during a season like what they’re having.
How do I convince my boyfriend to #DBAP and forget about how tired he will be Monday and just go to the game? Should I convince him to let me go without him?”
First, if you want to go, go.
If he’s opposed to you going, that’s on him. One of my big pieces of advice for all couples, especially young couples, is don’t be afraid to do something without the other person involved. I don’t get this obsession that young couples have to do everything together. (Many old couples also have this obsession. It’s insanely dumb to me. You didn’t give up your individual existence when you got married or entered into a relationship.) If your partner is insisting you go to the game together or not at all, find a new boyfriend or girlfriend.
Second, your boyfriend is probably being a pussy here. I guarantee you I get up earlier than him every day of the week and I have three kids and a wife and about fifteen jobs. Being a single guy and getting less sleep on a Sunday night before you go to work isn’t that big of a deal. Even coming off a Vegas weekend. You have plenty of time to catch up later in the week.
Put it this way, if you’re single and don’t have kids you aren’t actually that busy. You may think you are, but you’re completely wrong.
Having said that, my advice to women who want their husbands or boyfriends to do something they’re complaining about doing is always to offer sexual favors. This is your trump card. I’d play it all the time if I were a woman.
Now that might be a bit difficult here because you’re coming off of a Vegas weekend and probably will have sex multiple times in Vegas, but I still think it’s worth a try. Sexual incentives work incredibly well on men, always have, always will.
“Lifetime Bama fan here. My fiancé (an Auburn fan) recently surprised me with tickets to see Alabama’s game against LSU in Tiger Stadium on Nov. 3. She knows it’s on my bucket list so I was thrilled. Now in times past, I would never even consider what I’m about to propose, but we are both in our 40s and both female. (I know your joke about the 85% for Bama fans and I agree. I think it’s got to be somewhere close to the same percentage for lesbians that love football, maybe even higher.)
So here’s my dilemma: I’m considering just wearing neutral colored clothes to the game and if our seats are around LSU fans, keep my cheers to myself. I’ve been in NOLA previously when Bama and LSU play and wow, intense is an understatement. Two different fights broke out with LSU Fans and some of my associates.
I frequently go to other SEC games not involving Alabama football and really just love the game for the game. In fact, it’s so enjoyable to not have a dog in the fight so to speak, and just cheer for great plays made by either team.
I’ve been to several NFL games and it’s totally different. I was in Nashville 2 years ago and there were more Buffalo Bills fans in the stadium than Titans fans. No fights, just a little trash talk, but college football is different and SEC stadiums are on a total different level. If it’s a night game in Baton Rouge (which I think it will be) one word – Chaos.
So what say you? Am I not giving LSU fans enough credit? Should I wear my Alabama A proudly, cheer when Tua goes for the deep pass and sing the fight song when Bama scores? Or, for the love of all that will keep us safe from mayhem, keep it low key and just enjoy the game, the atmosphere and the sheer intensity that is SEC football?”
The only time I would advise not wearing gear for your favorite team on the road is when you’re sitting in the student section.
Otherwise wear your gear with pride.
Even LSU fans are not going to pick fights with women.
Having said that, also don’t be a dickhead. If Bama dominates LSU, which they will, cheer for your team, don’t turn and point at fans of the opposing team and talk trash. Most fights at games are instigated by stupid fan behavior. If you aren’t the stupid fan, you won’t generally have any problems.
“So my fiancée and I got engaged back in April 2018 and booked our wedding date for November 2019, nearly a year and a half after the engagement (we are relatively young). One of her best friends, who has also agreed to be a bridesmaid, Just got engaged two days ago. She has now demanded her wedding be a few weeks (October 2019) before ours, with essentially the same bridal party.
Today her friend reached out to my fiancée and asked if this was OK, to which she answered no and that she feared that it would put too much stress on the handful of the bridesmaids that they shared and on themselves. She responded that a Fall wedding was all they’ve always wanted (for the one year they’ve been together) and essentially told my fiancée “too bad”.
That’s why we decided to ask you, the wise, gay, 1/1,024th Cherokee prophet of Mohammad if this is OK, or if it’s a total violation of Girl Code.”
I’m very confident this is a violation of girl code — that’s despite not knowing anything about girl code — but the most important thing is that both of your fiancees are awful people for having double fall weddings.
I think both of you should go ahead and break off the weddings now. Maybe you should cheat with his fiancee and he should cheat with your fiancee and then all your friends don’t have to have their falls ruined in 2019.
Just trying to make the world a better place.
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