Anonymous Mailbag

It’s Tuesday, time for the anonymous mailbag.

Send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.
Okay, here we go:

“No man wants a college football Saturday ruined with a lame wedding. Especially when his alma mater, where he was a four year letterman in football, is hosting a team that played for the national championship the year before. This is the predicament I find myself in. My new wife of four month’s best friend is getting married next Saturday.

The same Saturday as one of the biggest non-conference home games for my school in some time. She is adamant that I am attending the wedding and not the game. The wedding is about 90 miles away and of course at the same time as kickoff. Can’t do both. I will know very few people at this wedding and would be looking for ways to bail even if it was in April. What’s my play here?”

Here’s the question, what’s your wife going to do if you skip her friend’s wedding? Sure, she’ll be mad at you and probably withhold sex for a little while, but it’s not like she’s going to divorce you.

And imagine if she did divorce you four months after you got married for going to a college football game instead of her friend’s wedding. Honestly, I’m straight with an unblemished record of heterosexuality and if you told me this story out at the bar I’d be tempted to bang you.

This would be gold for you.

Your wife knows plenty of people at the wedding and you can meet up with her after the game at the hotel where she’s staying for the wedding. Sure, she might be surly with you, but it’s important to establish that you don’t have to do everything together just because you’re married. Furthermore, why does one partner want another partner to attend an event they’d be miserable at just so you can be together> This is pretty absurd behavior here by your wife. Especially when, if this is actually her best friend, isn’t she probably in the wedding? So you wouldn’t even be with her for the ceremony and much of the dinner after.

Finally, if she thinks you need to be there because you just got married — it’s the South and it’s a football game, no one there is going to judge you for picking the football game over the wedding. I’d feel differently if, for instance, you guys had kids going to the wedding and your wife needed your help as a parent, but she’s a grown ass woman who will be fine at the wedding by herself.

I’d take a stand and go to the football game.

Good luck.

“My career is in City Recreation/Youth Sports. Just had a shitshow of a situation in our local youth tackle football program. Long-story short, married Assistant Coach has affair with single team mom. Causes a huge disruption to the team and is another instance of parents getting in the way of their kids sports. There are countless team Group Me Chat among parents to communicate about practices, treats, etc. Let’s just say there is more than ample opportunity to slide into a DM with another parent with the team.  This has to be more common in 2018 than ever before, especially with as much travel ball that exists. You can’t tell me that if you spend 30 weekends a year at a park or gym with another parent, that this isn’t commonplace?” 

If you have an affair with another parent on your kid’s little league team, you are a pretty awful person making a series of awful decisions.

I mean, seriously, I don’t know how you even attempt this.

How do you even send that first text leading to an affair? That’s especially the case when on these group texts I get I have no idea who is who. (I’m more troubled, honestly, by the fact that my kid’s most recent coach spells practice wrong every time he texts. How can you leave out the c every time?! It drives me insane.) This seems like a long range texting relationship that goes on forever. Furthermore, you might show up one day and get attacked by the husband with a baseball bat at a little league game while all the kids are standing around.

Also, if you’re spending thirty weekends a year at a little league park your kid is playing too many games. I’m sorry. I have a limit. One season a year.

Your kid is probably not that good.

And if he is that good eventually he can play more games when he hits puberty and can play for the school.

I get the idea that it’s seductive to believe that your kid is going to be an all star, but it’s probably not going to happen so just enjoy the seasonal little league games. (And don’t sleep with anyone’s wife or husband).

“I was the first of my buddies to get married and we had our bachelor party in Austin. It was a great time and all of us had a blast. Flash forward to now and since my wedding, 3 of my buddies have gotten engaged. This equates to 3 weddings and 3 bachelor parties next summer, all out of state for me. Not to mention, my wife has a clinical up north that will have her living in Michigan all next summer. While I have a pretty good job, this is a minimum of 8 potential trips (moving wife in and out) I’ll have to make next summer (while my wife is not making money). I alluded that it may not be financially possible to make every bachelor party.
Now I know my buddies are obviously pissed as they traveled for my wedding and bachelor party and expect the same in return. I get it. I would love to be able to do all of this but it feels like a huge crunch financially. Especially when I have a wife out of state that I would love to see a time or two while she is out of state. How do I go about this responsibly, while being a good husband and friend?” 
Unless you’re actually in the wedding, I’d just pick between going to the bachelor party or the wedding if you can’t do all six.
And most of the time, honestly, I’d pick the bachelor party.
Most weddings are stodgy, boring affairs and there are tons of people there so unless you’re a close family member or in the wedding whether you are there or not doesn’t matter.
The other option is to bring your wife to the three weddings so those count as weekends you guys get to hang out and then you can go to all three bachelor parties without feeling like you’re neglecting your wife.
There were several guys who made my bachelor party that couldn’t make my wedding. Honestly, maybe it’s just impossible to offend me, but people can make whatever decision they want when it comes to my wedding. I understand people are busy and it’s tough to travel for them. So if you can’t be there, so be it.
If any guy gets really worked up over wedding related issues, honestly, I don’t think he should be your good friend.
#dbap after all.
“My girlfriend and I are both seniors at a school in the SEC. We have been dating for 6 months and this is our first football season together. I have warned her how much i love college football and that my Saturdays usually consist of nothing but drinking beer and sitting on the couch watching football.

This Saturday, we had a road game at noon so we decided to go to the bar for the first half, then go over to my buddies house to watch the second half. After the game, I tell her I am going to go back to the fraternity house and watch Auburn vs Washington with the guys (I asked her if she wanted to come but she made it clear she didn’t want to watch any more football). This make her very upset and we both leave with our separate friends. After the game I apologize and it’s back to normal. 

What’s the play here? How do I go through the next 4 months without having to apologize for loving college football every Saturday night?”

Make Thursday or Friday night in the fall a girlfriend night, make college football something you do with your fraternity brothers on Saturdays. (You can obviously go to the home games with her, but I don’t know why you need to spend all day long together. When the games are over you guys can meet up late that night or you can let her do her own thing and meet up with her on Sunday. The younger you are the more likely you are to believe you need to spend every moment together. But this is just ridiculous. Have your own lives).
Let me put it to you this way — you won’t regret spending college Saturdays with your buddies for the rest of your life, but you might break up with this girl in December.
Then you would have wasted the final fall of your college career.
Maybe you’ll end up marrying this girl, but odds are you won’t. If you end up marrying her, great, she’s willing to put up with you for football season and you’ve set a great precedent about how you enjoy spending your time in the fall. If she’s not willing to put up with you, then find a new girl. You’re 21 or 22, you’ll be fine, trust me.
“A recurring theme in this column involves questions and/or answers that refer to the fact that being married equals little or no sex. Yet you seem to be in favor of marriage. Is that religious/societal programming, or do you actually think it is a good idea to have a family even though it means you will either 
1. Have infrequent or no sex
2. Cheat on your spouse to override #1
3. Get divorced so that sex will again become frequent without being unfaithful 
It seems like the logical solution, at least for guys, is either to stay single forever, or have a polyamorous/open relationship. Yet this is never discussed as a viable option. Is that because you don’t believe it works, or because your upbringing abhors the concept?
I mean, so many of the problems discussed here revolve around sex, and the problem wouldn’t exist in the first place if one wasn’t married and locked into monogamy with a woman who has lost interest yet apparently holds all the cards.” 
If all men were honest, they would love to have sex with a different random, hot girl three or four times a year and never see that girl again. This would be no strings attached, completely unemotional sex.
Most of these men would be fine staying married too.
Some married women would like this opportunity too, but most would not choose to have random, unemotionally connected sex with good looking male strangers.
Plus, I have never met a married woman who would agree to that deal. Or, to be honest, even a married man who would attempt to set up that deal.
Most people I know get married to have children. If quantity of sex is your primary goal then it’s pretty clear you shouldn’t get married.
But would I trade my kids for all the sex in the world? (Admittedly, it’s tempting.)
But no is the answer.
Marriage, to me, is pretty much only about kids. If you don’t want kids, I don’t know why you’d ever want to get married. (I understand some people do it, but it’s not for me).
Send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com

Written by Clay Travis

OutKick founder, host and author. He's presently banned from appearing on both CNN and ESPN because he’s too honest for both.