“We (my husband and I) are at a loss as to what else to do here. Quick backstory, in May we found out my 15 year old son had been in a sexual relationship with the youth minister at church. She’s 39. We told the police, and they are investigating. The detective has told us that, because there is no proof of the relationship and because my son never told his friends about it, there isn’t a lot they can do.
He doesn’t think the district attorney will choose to prosecute.
While all this is happening I spoke with the pastor and asked him to please not let her be around the children alone and to please take her off the youth at least until the investigation is over. He didn’t. She hosted their bible school in July and she’s there working with the youth everyday. Since it appears nothing is going to happen to her, my husband suggested that after the investigation is complete, we protest at the church every Sunday and Wednesday with signs that say the church is allowing a child predator to teach the children. Would you say we shouldn’t protest this? And if not, as a lawyer, what else can I do?”
I would 100% not protest.
I know you believe your 15 year old, but what if he’s making it up and it’s not true? You’ve reported it to authorities and it sounds like they are investigating and skeptical that anything happened. If no charges are brought and I believed my son, I’d withdraw from the church and pick somewhere else to worship.
If people ask you why you made this decision you can say that your family had lost faith in the church leadership due to personal issues.
Accusing someone of a crime like this, in such a public fashion, is so substantial that it’s impossible to walk back. It also makes public something that your son hasn’t made public, evidently, to anyone but you and your husband. Furthermore a protest like this could expose your family to a lawsuit because this woman, if she didn’t do it, would have a claim against you rooted in defamation.
Personally, I think it’s a no brainer to remove this woman from interacting with children while the investigation is ongoing, but the church is making a poor decision here. I’m not sure how you expose their poor decision without creating a huge mess. (You could file your own civil lawsuit, but, again, you’d be countersued and this litigation would be expensive and last for years.)
Plus, put yourself in this woman’s shoes, what if she’s 100% innocent? Wouldn’t you be inclined to sue if someone publicly accused you of sleeping with children you taught? Then your son is being deposed and grilled by lawyers, it’s just an ugly situation all around.
Finally, let’s presume this did happen, but there isn’t enough evidence to bring charges according to the police and the district attorney. Your son is 15. Most fifteen year old boys are obsessed with trying to have sex with girls their age. Yes, this is not the ideal way or the ideal woman for him to lose his virginity to, but the vast majority of boys would eventually be fine.
It’s not politically correct to say, but in the event it actually happened I don’t believe your son is going to have lasting damage here. I’m basing that on once having been a 15 year old and also on all the other 15 year old boys I knew growing up.
If you disagree then I would suggest counseling as a remedy.
But in all honesty, I think most 15 year old boys would find their mom (and dad) making a huge deal of any sexual relationship they were involved in, especially if those parents publicized it, to be much more embarrassing than the actual relationship itself.
“Clay, I’ve heard you talk about hot girl privilege, but I’m a high school teacher and I’ve got a situation for you to analyze. (Please keep me anonymous because high school teachers are not supposed to notice when we have hot students.)
On the first day of school I had a new female student that had transferred in from a different state. She is one of those high school girls that looks 20, and is nice, and completely friendly with everyone.
Immediately she had every guys attention and they all wanted to help her find her new classes and show her around. If she had been average looking instead of being gorgeous there would have been a couple of guys willing to show her around.
On the flip side there was only one girl in class that would talk to her. It appeared the girls didn’t care how friendly or nice she was they had decided they didn’t like her, because she was too pretty.
My question is do girls of all ages immediately like or dislike girls based on looks like guys do, but in a reverse way? Let’s be honest guys will put up with way more crap the hotter the girl is (hot to crazy ratio), and actually don’t care about anything if she’s a smoke show. Do girls put up with less the hotter a new girl is, do they ever give them a chance, or do they just say… I don’t like her and never really get to know her?”
This is a very interesting point. The new hot girl in school has the potential to climb to the top of the school popularity contest. The same thing could happen with a new guy in school, let’s say he transfer in to play quarterback, but if he proves he’s better than the old quarterback then eventually the men will accept him because he’s proven his superiority.
Female status is less based on direct competition and more based on subtle gradations of social standing.
Women create hotness hierarchies when they are single — particularly in high school and college sororities — designed to tier competition for available men. These women don’t like the hotness hierarchy being upset by a new potential queen at the top of the hotness pyramid. This is basically the entire plot of “Mean Girls.”
That’s because of most of female competition is social and predicated on words as opposed to physical actions or threats of physical superiority.
For instance, it’s considered pretty tacky behavior for two women to get in an actual fight, but with a male battle for alpha status there is always the possibility, even if it becomes more remote the higher up the social ladder you climb, for physical violence to ensue. Put it this way, would it really surprised you if Donald Trump had punched one of the men he was running against. Or, for instance, if Donald Trump and Joe Biden got into an old man fight at a debate as part of the 2020 election?
Men judge women, immediately, based on physical attractiveness. Every man does it all day long. Even the men who accuse other men of misogyny all day long do this too. I think very little of the male judgment is based on female opinion.
Women judge other women on their looks too, but they also judge other women based on the attention men give them.
Here this new girl’s attention from men is going to detract from the other attention they receive.
A less attractive girl would have probably received way less attention from the guys and way more attention from other girls.
The attention likely remains the same, but the hot girl privilege dictates which direction it comes from.
“I’m a 36 year old guy that is dating a 24 year old girl. We’ve been dating for a while now, she is really smart, successful, down to earth, hot and quite frankly a freak. Obviously I’m getting up in years, would like to settle down and have kids.
Clay, here is the issue, she might have the worst parents on planet earth. We are talking: lazy, close-minded, welfare, smoking, no job and on disability. The thought of having them as grandparents literally makes me sick to my stomach. We live not too far from them and having them more involved in our lives is something I can’t handle. Oh wise one what advice would you give to someone that would truly like to settle down but can’t handle the thought of having them as in-laws.”
What does your girlfriend think of her parents and how often do you see them now? If she agrees with your opinion that her parents are awful then this suggests she wouldn’t want to spend abundant amounts of time with them when you had your own kids.
It’s a cliche, but you really are marrying the family. Particularly once you have kids and a family of your own, you often come to rely even more on your parents than you have before. Before I had kids I thought people who moved closer to their parents once they had kids — or vice versa — were crazy. Now my parents live two blocks away and it’s phenomenal how often my boys get to see their grandparents.
When you have kids of your own your family relationships become more pronounced, usually, than before you had kids.
Having said all that, if you love the man or woman you’re with, your relationship is infinitely more important than what your relationship is with your in-laws. I’d just be careful about broadcasting your disdain for your in-laws that publicly or privately because they will find out about it.
If you truly love their daughter, grin and bear your interaction as best you can and hope their genetics don’t rub off on your children.
“I work out at a gym a few mornings a week. At least once a week, the same dude is parked in the communal shower with a raging hard on. It is almost like he has no shame in it. He is obviously gay, which is no big deal. My issue is I don’t like seeing dudes roll around with boners in the locker room.
It kinda of goes against a decades long unspoken code.
I would be terrified to say anything because of his sexual orientation.
My current solution is to do nothing and chalk it up to me being a straight white male who must not be comfortable enough to see a homosexual erect penis from some lurker at least once a week. What would you do my gay Muslim friend?”
I would complain to the gym.
Once you complain to the gym, my bet is the gym will also be unable or unwilling to do anything because they will be afraid of being called homophobic if they try to do anything.
Also, honestly, how do you tell someone not to be sexually aroused in a gym locker room? This is creepy ass behavior, but if he’s not touching himself, how do you police this behavior inside the locker room where nudity is expected?
Is it a crime? Again, I think it would be hard to prosecute. I suppose you could also complain to the police, but I have no idea how they’d handle this either. Now, I think if you start to get some dick to hand stroking action in the locker room, you have a crime in play, but is it criminal behavior to have an erection if you aren’t using your hands? I don’t think so.
Regardless, I’d still complain. (This, however, also creates its own issue because he is probably manifesting what is often known as the “exposure woody;” that is, what turns him on is the idea that other people are seeing him turned on. Hence his arousal is more more mental in nature than physical and once you complain he has even more evidence that he’s being a bad boy, which could make the erections even more frequent.)
So I don’t honestly know what you do here.
I think you’e fucked. (And not in a good way.)
“One of my favorite running songs is “My Hero” by Foo Fighters which usually leads to me thinking about Varsity Blues (such a great movie). Today I was thinking, comparing Varsity Blues to Friday Night Lights, the guys are so far superior in FNL. Other than Lance Harbor in Varsity Blues, hands down all fantasies go to FNL. Tim Riggins, obviously. Coach Taylor 100% could get it. I even have a thing for Saracen.
The question is, from a guy’s perspective, who wins the fantasy competition? FNL gives you both Tyra and Tami Taylor (Lyla’s cute but her character as a whole is lame. And don’t get me started on Julie)…but Varsity Blues gives you Darcy in a whipped cream bikini which was every guy’s fantasy while I was in HS. I feel like any guy around mid-30s give or take 5 years can remember a time wishing their girl would call them over when her parents were out of town and come out wearing nothing but Redi-Whip.
So, using comparative analysis, who wins?”
“Friday Night Lights” has infinitely better looking girls, but the whip cream bikini scene in “Varsity Blues” is one of the hottest scenes in movie history.
I mean, just smoking hot on every level imaginable.
It also raises the question: how many girls did this — probably after being persuaded by their boyfriends — entirely because this movie existed? A hundred thousand? More? This movie deserves a special Oscar for making the world a better place.
As for “My Hero,” it’s one of the best movie songtrack songs of all time.
I mean, just absolutely perfect.
We saw Foo Fighters in concert this year in Nashville and the minute Dave Grohl started this song I thought of “Varsity Blues.”
And the whip cream bikini.
“Was watching all of the videos on twitter from last weekend of the ANTIFA crowds/ counter-protesters, and it struck me how every single individual I saw was either ugly, fat, looked unshowered, or a combination of all three. I didn’t really see video of the white nationalists losers, but I would hazard a guess they are on a commensurate level with the ANTIFA losers.
My thoughts are that these individuals hate their lives and are angry that they have shitty jobs or no jobs, can’t get laid, and are just general wastes of space. As a result, they are taking out that anger on whatever simplistic “good vs. evil” battle that conforms to their world view.
How do we stop our youth from devolving into these anti-intellectual losers that are ruled by their feelings? Society has never made it more easy to be a piece of shit, which means the prevalence of angry, dumb idiots will continue to be prevalent in America.”
Here’s a big question: do good looking people protest in 21st century America?
Have you ever seen a group of protesters and thought, “Damn, these protesters are so hot! I wonder what bar they’re going to after they finish protesting!”
I think that by and large people who protest in 21st century America are ugly and unhappy and they are looking to the protesting to give their life fulfillment. Unfortunately the protest doesn’t give their life fulfillment which then leads to them feeling the need to attack other people who aren’t as angry as they are for not being woke enough or not standing up to social injustice.
Remember, we’re mostly talking about protests now where there’s no tangible goal. It’s like the women’s march. Ask people what they were protesting for and they couldn’t tell you. “We’re protesting to let you know that if you try and take away our rights we’re going to protest more!”
Really, you’re protesting so you can take a selfie and post it on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and advertise how woke you are.
That’s fine, but really you just have nothing better to do.
Think about back to your time in college, can you imagine spending your free time to protest? Of course not. That’s probably because you were relatively well adjusted, busy, and not miserable.
I’ve got three kids now. I don’t have time to protest anything; even if I wanted to protest I’d have to get a babysitter or I’d have to take my kids to the protest with me and as soon as we got there they’d be complaining that they were bored or it was too hot and they’d be asking for a yummy tummy and a cookie and they’d have to go to the bathroom and I wouldn’t even get to wear around my vagina hat and take a selfie, I’d be too busy trying to find a public bathroom to even be able to march.
So basically I think all 21st century American protesters are losers and tag me on Twitter if you ever see a hot one.
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