Anonymous Mailbag

It’s Tuesday which means the Outkick anonymous mailbag is here to solve all your life’s problems.

As always, you can send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.

Okay here we go:

“A question came up on the golf course over the weekend and it left the group kinda stumped from a philosophical standpoint.

I was playing with the normal group of guys and we were discussing how another member of the club was running in an election this fall. We all admitted that we very rarely pay attention to our local elections and just generally vote along party lines. Our fellow club member is the representative for the party we typically vote for so under normal circumstances we would probably just vote for him without giving it much thought. The issue though is this guy is a real asshole.

He went through a divorce last year related to his wife finding out about him having multiple affairs. One was with the wife of a fellow member he commonly golfs with and another was with one of the cart girls who was 20+ years younger than him. He is very creepy towards attractive female club employees and it’s gotten so bad that most people don’t want to play with him because it’s uncomfortable and cringey to be around. For the employees who aren’t attractive women, they generally get treated like shit, hardly receive tips (compared to the over the top tipping he does with the hot girls), and get berated over minor errors. I could go on and on here but I think you probably get the idea.

How do you balance choosing a candidate based off their political ideology but also who they are as a person? While I think this guy is the best candidate purely from a political standpoint it would be kinda gross voting for him because he’s just such a bad person.”

If you personally know a candidate for a relatively minor political office is a good or bad person — regardless of their political affiliation — then I would vote based on your personal knowledge as opposed to voting based on the national party they represent. My theory on this is that most individual elected officials, standing alone, are unlikely to lead to your favored political policies being implemented and it would be better to have a decent person as your representative than to have someone you know to be awful. But there are exceptions, clearly, if you’re voting in a swing state or swing district for a significant office. For instance, would I rather, right now, have a asshole representing me who is a Republican than a saint who is a Democrat in the Senate? Yes. Because then Joe Biden wouldn’t have a tiebreaking majority.

So I think the jerk status of the senator would be canceled out by the fact that he’s keeping Joe Biden from being able to implement what I believe are disastrous economic policies. The same would be true, clearly, when it came to voting for a president since it’s an either/or proposition in terms of who has the power to run a country. But in most elections, those where one individual isn’t going to make a tremendous difference in the overall landscape of power, I’d probably vote for the person I liked or didn’t like based on my personal relationship with him or her over the political party they represented.

(This also presumes, by the way, that your one vote isn’t going to swing the election, which it almost assuredly will not do, but the closer the election potentially will be the tougher it would be to make this decision as well.)

Having said this, it’s also true that many politicians are assholes and also not awful at being politicians. That is, I understand some people were trigged by Donald Trump’s behavior during his presidency. I happen to like Trump and he’s been great to me in the times we’ve had him on the show or I’ve met him in person. But if I didn’t have a personal opinion of him, or even if I didn’t like him personally, I’d still much rather have people angry over mean Tweets than have 8% inflation and baby formula shortages under Joe Biden. Trump’s policies are better than Biden’s policies so I’d vote for him regardless of his personality. Going deeper, you also have to consider that any individual politician is surrounded by staff and it’s virtually impossible for you to hate all of the staff too.

Right now Joe Biden hasn’t screwed any interns. (At least not that we know of.) On the other hand we know Bill Clinton has screwed interns. But if I had to pick right now, would I rather have Joe Biden or Bill Clinton as president, I’d pick Clinton. Why? Because I’d rather the president screw an intern than screw the entire country. And Clinton, unlike Biden, wasn’t an awful president.

“Hey, just read the first email from last week’s mailbag about the literotica. There is literally a website called literotica.com, and it’s good. I think it’s mostly user submissions, so I have no idea who is actually writing the stories, but that doesn’t matter. Nor do I care.

It’s not something I use regularly, but came to it because it can be more arousing than a 90 second clip of two randoms going through the motions.

It has its pros and cons too, like regular porn. Some stories are way too long and too much character building, and others are horribly written. They do have a little rating system though. And the amount of incest stuff boggles my mind. It’s alarming to say the least.

All that said, it can be pretty good stuff. A little story and some build up can be rather arousing. The mind is a powerful thing.”

What do you think the average woman would rather find her husband doing? Treating his body like an amusement park while watching regular video porn or reading literotica?

I legit don’t know the answer.

But I think the porno videos would be less jolting to her.

And, again, I’d like to know who is writing these stories. Because I always assume it’s fat middle-aged dudes pretending to be women. Which destroys the enjoyment in a hurry.

If there are hot chicks writing hot stories, that website might do really well. I’d read it.

“I’ve got a friend that has been very close to me and another friend since middle school. We grew up together and have remained close through college and even into our late 20’s now. He took a few years out of school and finished school a couple years ago right before COVID. He now has a fiancée, and they have bought a house together. I work in the real estate industry. Used to be a lender but am now in the legal/title side of things. I never once got asked for any advice or to help with any part of the transaction, which hurts, but that’s another email for another time.

Since getting engaged and buying the house, his involvement in our core group (about 4-5 guys) has drastically gone down. The other 4, including me in the group all have finance/accounting degrees. All of us have bought homes as well, but knew that just because a bank approves you for a certain amount, there’s no way in hell you should ever buy for that amount. This friend, seeking no advice from us, would not know that. I believe that my friend is running into financial hardship. I have examples where he doesn’t go to any activity with us that would cost anything decent including trying to plan our first guys trip since before COVID and he said “He wouldn’t have the time.” And then this past weekend when we went out to eat, he didn’t bring his fiancée, ordered the cheapest thing on the menu, and didn’t split the pitchers with us, as is customary. Instead buying himself a small margarita. There are many other signs of potential money problems, but for time’s sake we will stop there.

My question is, is there any way to ask a friend if they need help? Our whole group is concerned and are financially able to help, but nobody knows how to bring it up. Any advice is really appreciated as we are completely lost on what to do here.”

As you age with friends you’ve had since you were young, it’s natural for there to be some financial separation that sets in. That happens when one person becomes a teacher or a social worker and another person becomes involved in finance, the law or medicine.

But as I’m reading your story, I wonder less about finances and more about the fiancee. It sounds like she may not like you guys at all. Did everyone else’s wives or girlfriends come to the dinner and she didn’t? And, at least to me, the line about not having the time for a guy’s trip feels like it came from the fiancee who doesn’t approve of you guys.

So I think there are two possibilities here — yes, your buddy could have overspent on his house and now be dealing with financial hardships, but his fiancee may also not like you guys. It’s also possible the fiancee has taken control of the couple’s finances, whether they are struggling or not, and he doesn’t want to fight with her about his spending. Heck, if she’s really controlling she might put him on a budget for every day or every time he walks out the door at the house, which would just be brutal.

As a general point of advice, if you feel like your buddy is struggling financially and not hanging out with you guys as a result, how about scheduling some events at each other’s houses to watch games? The people with more money can stock the alcohol and order pizzas or additional food and you can not ask him to bring anything. That way the event costs basically nothing. This is decent advice, by the way, for any friend group where some don’t have as much money as others. Scheduling events at expensive restaurants, or just restaurants or bars in general, can be tough for many people out there struggling with high inflation and their finances. So I’d suggest you guys host some events at each other’s houses as a test case to see if he comes to those events.

That would also give you a chance to suggest he bring along his fiancee. If she doesn’t come to these events at houses either then it starts to give some credence to the idea that it might not just be finances that are in play here, the fiancee may not like you guys at all. That means you’re actually fighting a two fronted war, on finances and fiancees, as opposed to just the finance front.

The final option, and it’s the simplest, is just have him over for drinks with the two of you there and ask him what’s going on. I wouldn’t lead into these questions the moment he gets to your place, but as you have a few drinks and the conversation progresses, I’d ask him those questions and see what kind of responses you get.

Good luck.

“I find myself in a predicament that I assume a lot of late 20s/early 30s guys find themselves in. I’ve been dating a girl almost 2 years and she is pretty solid. Loved by all my buddies, fun to hangout with, good looking/in-shape, we enjoy similar things in our spare time….but I’m just not sure I’m ready to pop the question. The underlying factor of not being ready is I just started making mid 6 figures in a southeastern city and didn’t have a traditional college experience, so I’m still sowing my wild oats.

I’m getting pressure from all fronts about proposing, but I’m just not ready. Now, she knows this and still sticks around. I don’t want to waste her time either, so what would be your advice on proceeding, so as to avoid the “one who got away” scenario? I’m 31 and she’s 29, FYI.”

You need to decide what you want and tell her. Then she can decide if what you want is what she wants too.

Women crave honesty because most men lie to them all the time. So sit down your girlfriend and tell the truth. Say, “I really enjoy being with you, but I’m not going to be ready to get married for the next three or four years. I totally understand if you want to get married in the next four years, but I can’t promise you I’m going to be willing to do that. And I don’t want to make you wait around, potentially getting angry at me in the process for not proposing, when I should have just been as honest as possible and told you exactly how I feel. If you’re okay with being with me without marriage being on the table for the next several years, I want to stay in the relationship, but I wanted to be completely honest with you.”

This makes it clear what’s to come for the next several years and she, given that she likely wants kids, can decide if your plan works for her.

I don’t know you at all, but if you’re making good money and want to have fun, it sounds like you already know your answer. And it’s that this girl isn’t the one for you. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or with her, it just means the two of you aren’t right for each other right now.

Trust me, there will always be another good looking girl. They aren’t in short supply. If you’re staying with someone because you’re worried you might miss out on them if they leave, you’re already looking over her shoulder for a better option. That’s not the recipe for a long lasting relationship.

The truth of the matter is you may find out that being a (relatively) rich young guy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Yes, you attract a lot of girls. But the girls you’re attracting aren’t into you, they’re into your money. And just like there’s always going to be another good looking girl, there’s always going to be another rich guy too. Most girls who like your money, don’t actually like you. And they aren’t going to be loyal. That’s fine for a good time, but it’s not likely to help you picking out someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

But you’ll have to find that out for yourself.

Which I’m guessing you will sooner rather than later. In the meantime, let your current girlfriend decide what’s right for her.

“On Monday, May 16, I was notified by my employer that I came in close contact with someone that tested positive for Covid on Monday, May 9th.

My employer asked if I was vaccinated. I told them no, I have natural immunity. They asked me if I could provide a positive test showing that I have indeed tested positive for Covid, I told them no. I never officially tested positive for Covid, but like you did, I took a Covid antibody test, and it showed I had antibodies.

Since I wasn’t “vaccinated” (that is total bullshit, because the definition of vaccination gives you immunity to a disease. These “vaccinations” clearly don’t do that). Despite having ZERO symptoms for A FUCKING WEEK, my employer STILL forced me to go home for the day. They gave me 3 options.

Option 1) take a Covid test. My employer is making me pay for this rapid test out of my own pocket, DESPITE coming in close contact with someone while I WAS AT WORK, PREFORMING MY JOB. If the test comes back negative, I can return to work.

Option 2) Non vaccinated people must self quarantine for 10 full days if they come in close contact with someone and opts not to take a test. I can have the option to work from home on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. That’s right, despite after having ZERO symptoms for 7 days, they are forcing me to self quarantine for an additional 3 days, in case, you know, I magically come down with something in the next 3 days due to being in close contact.

Option 3) I can take Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday off work, but will be required to use my own personal sick or vacation time, despite having zero symptoms. This way I will have met the arbitrary 10 day quarantine timeframe.

Clay, am I crazy, or is my work policy totally nonsensical?! If tracing was sooooo vital, why did it take them A FULL FUCKING WEEK to contact me?!?! When is the madness going to end? I mean seriously? Covid isn’t going away. They don’t do this for a cold, or the flu. I feel completely fine. Think if they made me stay home for 10 days because I was around someone who had the flu?

In case you were wondering, I choose option 2.

How is society going to get over Covid if we keep implementing bullshit polices like these? How can reasonable people like myself stand up against these draconian policies? Thanks for pushing back against the loser CoronaBros from the start of the pandemic.

PS please keep this Anonymous. My work Covid policy is stupid, but I do need to keep my job.”

The policy is indisputably stupid, but getting to work from home for three days feels like a reward to me. It’s likely you can get your work done and then kick back and chill for the rest of the day.

And paying for the test, while dumb, doesn’t feel like much of a big deal. Tests aren’t very expensive. But I wouldn’t take a test because then you might test positive and screw everyone else at work in the process.

So I’d work from home like you’re doing.

As for what reasonable people can do with the covid insanity now entering a third year, you can vote Republican this November. I think that will send a huge message on covid, better than almost anything else that can be done.

…

Okay, I’m off to do the Clay and Buck show now. As always, send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.