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Anonymous Mailbag

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It’s the first Tuesday of 2022 and I’m back from Florida to solve all the issues in the Outkick universe.

But first a couple of things off the top for the 2022 editions of the anonymous mailbag. First update, I need your anonymous mailbag questions. And they need to be good. And I’d like for them to involve covid less. I feel like I’ve answered every covid question under the sun. I want humor, I want sex, I want poop, I want the anonymous mailbag of 2022 to be less serious and more fun.

Because I think that’s what everyone needs.

From the anonymous mailbag, at least.

But I can only respond to the questions that come into the anonymous mailbag inbox. So if all I get are covid questions, those are the ones I have to pick from. So if you’re one of those people emailing and asking for non-covid questions, how about you send your own non-covid questions and make me laugh and make me scratch my head and have to think for a long ass time about the best way to solve your life’s issues?

As always, the anonymous mailbag questions can arrive at claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.

Second update, the anonymous mailbag may go up on the afternoons now after my radio show is finished, like is happening today. You may have noticed that my radio show is now 12-3 et as opposed to 6-9 am et, which it has been for the past five or six years. That means I’m prepping for the radio show early in the morning as opposed to late at night, like with the previous show. So it will oftentimes be a challenge to get the anonymous mailbag up before the radio show starts at 11 am central my time. Especially when I have to get my kids up and to school in the morning.

So I’ll pop this bad boy out on Tuesday’s but it may be in the afternoon instead of in the morning. If this upsets your incredibly planned out Internet reading schedule, you can come read it on Wednesday mornings instead.

Okay, here we go with the first anonymous mailbag of 2022:

“I’ve been dating my girlfriend for several months now, going great obviously and I get along well with her family, particularly her brother. We have a lot in common and spend time together outside of my relationship with his sister. He has been sober for what I believe is several years now, or is in front of his family. He has broken his “sobriety” several times in front me and made me incredibly uncomfortable at first but to his defense, it has only been a drink at dinner or a few beers while golfing, nothing unusual or showing any signs of a problem.

The family is very nervous about his drinking but if he does drink frequently not around his family it does not seem to affect him badly because his personal and professional life are both rather successful. My question is should I tell my girlfriend or her family or just remain quiet? I feel either way I am breaking someone’s trust, but then again I saw no signs of a problem and problems can be fixed.”

You’re in a tough spot here.

My advice would be to say nothing to your girlfriend or his family.

Admittedly this is not ideal, but you have two real choices here: make an affirmative choice to say something or say nothing at all, a family sin of commission or a family sin of omission. The latter is better, I believe.

Because if you say something, it’s probably going to come back to you as the person who said something. That is, you will be betraying the trust, at least to some degree, of your girlfriend’s brother.

You say things are going great with your girlfriend, well, you’re potentially sabotaging your relationship with your future brother-in-law forever.

Why would he trust you in the future?

Furthermore, and I think this is the most important part, he is handling his alcohol in your presence. It’s not as if he’s drinking so much that he becomes intoxicated or drives off drunk. As you say, he does not appear to be blowing up his work or family life in the process either.

You don’t say how bad things were for him in the past, but I would be curious about this. Did he have a major issue with alcohol or did he make a dumb decision with alcohol and then quit drinking? That is, was he always drunk and unable to control his alcohol intake or did he drink too much and get a DUI and then decided that he needed to give up all alcohol? Those are different issues at play, I think.

One possibility is you could directly ask him about it and let him tell you. He’s already trusting you to some degree by drinking in front of you. I’d be inclined to have this conversation with him if I were you because what you don’t want to happen is for him to have a full on relapse for the entire family to have no idea and for your girlfriend, or her parents, to directly ask you, “Did you ever see him drinking when you guys went out together?”

Because then you’re in a position where you may feel like you have to lie. (You can also lie and claim you didn’t know he was claiming to be sober, but that’s also a lie.)

Put simply, you aren’t doing anything wrong at all here, but you’ve been put in a spot where you could end up being blamed for something you aren’t responsible for. That’s why my inclination would be to say nothing to his family, but directly address the issue with him and explain that you feel somewhat responsible for his drinking because you aren’t stopping it. (You could also choose not to drink in his presence too, but if he’s still drinking what are you gaining by this?)

If you have a direct conversation with him about it, if you get asked about it, you can say you saw him drinking, told him you didn’t agree with it given he was claiming to be sober, but that he was a grown man, and you didn’t believe it was your job to tattle on him because what you saw was minimal drinking that didn’t seem to inhibit his life in any way.

I think that’s your best spot.

“I live near Cincinnati. Today, Xavier, Miami and Northern Kentucky men’s basketball games were all postponed due to covid. How is it possible that the 400+ players from Bama, Georgia, UC and Michigan have all managed to avoid covid?

My opinion when money became a factor, covid isn’t important.

A 12 man basketball team can’t control covid but a football team with 100 players somehow can control it?”

I think you’re 100% right.

It’s one thing to cancel a bowl game that isn’t that important — or that lucrative — but I believe there is a 0% chance that any significant player is testing positive for covid in the college football playoff.

Why is that?

Either because the teams have essentially stopped testing players or, potentially, because they’ve all found some test that doesn’t ever return positives. (You know there’s got to be a test out there that just completely SUCKS and if that became known that it never registered a positive, every team would be using those tests.)

Sometimes failed tests can save everyone.

I was at a high school party one time and the police showed up and lots of kids had been drinking and they started testing everyone and NO ONE TESTED POSITIVE.

I mean, you had people doing BACs that could barely stand up and they all weren’t registering. (I don’t remember now if they were testing people to see if they were drunk or if they had any alcohol in their systems at all. Most kids at my high school didn’t drink, but since technically no one should have had any alcohol at all given everyone was underage, this could of been a big deal.

But, honestly, this was Nashville in the 1990’s. Nashville is super cool now, but back in the 1990’s it was nowhere near this call. It was really a pretty small town, honestly. All sorts of crazy small town things used to happen here.

One girl I went to high school with got pulled over for drunk driving and the cop said if she could beat him in a foot race he’d let her go. (Yes, she was really hot). And then she beat him — she was athletic too — and that was that, he just let her drive home.

I was also in a car that got SHOT — literally we got shot twice in the car, once directly beneath the back window and the other in the wheel well because the motherfucker was trying to hit our tire so we spun out and drove into the trees on the side of the road — trying to flee from rolling the head cheerleader’s house when she was having all the cheerleaders to spend the night — and nothing happened to the guy who shot us. (He claimed he thought we were robbing the house. While throwing toilet paper in the trees?! This is the worst defense ever. And even then he wouldn’t have had the right to shoot us over that.)

When we told my dad he said, and I am completely serious, “I told you you’d get shot if you kept rolling people’s houses.” (We used to roll people’s houses all the time. But this is also the mindset of Nashville back in the day. My dad HAD TOLD ME WE’D GET SHOT FOR ROLLING HOUSES. This was a big vindication for him. It was like The Christmas Story red rider BB gun you’ll shoot your eye out. Or like when my wife said it was too icy to drive anywhere and then I drove the car into a tree and she could barely disguise how happy she was that I’d wrecked the car when I came back after hitting the tree from skidding on the ice. We were going like ten miles an hour, by the way, and everyone was fine. But I’ll never forget it, my middle son, he was seven years old at the time, he immediately said, “Don’t tell mom, dad. We just won’t tell her about this.” Because he’d heard her telling us we shouldn’t go out in the ice. And I was like, “The hood is dented and we almost knocked over this tree, we can’t hide this,” and he said, “Just don’t tell her. She won’t know.” And I immediately thought, “This kid is my ride or die,” but also, he is going to lie to us about everything when he’s a teenager. Because he didn’t even blink before he told me to just lie to his own mom.)

And it wasn’t just my dad who expected us to get shot either, another of the dad’s, who was our SCHOOL GUIDANCE COUNSELOR, said he didn’t want to involve the police because it might impact our college admissions.

BUT WE GOT SHOT TWICE!

And we were totally innocent of any wrongdoing.

This same friend’s dad, and I’m not kidding about this, told us when we went on a spring break trip to Panama City, said, “You have to watch out for the guys in South Alabama and North Florida. They’ll kill you if you look at them wrong.” (He grew up in North Florida.)

And the crazy thing is, I think he was probably right and he wasn’t even giving us the craziest advice. One of my friend’s divorced moms took a drag from her cigarette and said, “They won’t just kill you, they’ll rape you too.”

And we were just five dudes trying to go to Spinnakers and La Vela.

That’s just how it was back then.

I’d like to interview them now and see what they were thinking, but, again, that was just Nashville in the 1990’s.

Seriously, I need to write another book where I just tell crazy stories like this.

(For those of you who lived in Nashville in the 1990’s, this happened in Antioch. Right now people who lived in Nashville in the 1990’s are reading this and they’re like, “I can totally see that.” It makes complete sense to them too! And it’s not like I’m some kind of Nashville snob, I lived by Rivergate Mall in Goodlettsville. I was so clueless of what rich people were like that I thought we lived in a good neighborhood back then. I drove by my childhood home recently and I was like, “Man, this was pretty shitty.” And I went by my fifth and sixth grade school a couple of years ago and I was like, “Holy hell, if I tried to send one of my kids to school here today, my wife would have me arrested for child abuse.”

And she would.

Which is why one of the most successful guys I know in media says, “If you want your kid to make a couple of hundred thousand dollars a year, you send him to private school. If you want your kid to go to jail or end up a multi-millionaire, you send him to a shitty public school.”

It’s so true.

Anyway, no one’s testing positive for covid on Alabama or Georgia that actually matters. And if they have to show some positives, I guarantee you they’re flipping Bryce Young’s positive test and putting it on a walk on instead. They’re just flipping those labels and boom, the walk on takes the fall.

The walk on probably won’t even know.

He’s just out for the game and Bryce Young is in.

Guaranteed.

“I’ve recently received an invite to a family wedding. My wife’s family, to be exact and full of lefties.

We live in Florida and the wedding will be here too. The bride and groom are requiring all to be vaccinated who attend. I don’t believe they’ll be checking cards, but the invite very clearly states if you aren’t vaccinated, please don’t attend.

To make this even crazier, bride has IMMEDIATE family members who aren’t vaccinated who supposedly aren’t “allowed” to attend. I’m family but not like that.

Given the recent wave between both vax and non vax and 18+ months of data showing that vaccinated folks are marginally less likely to transmit than unvaccinated (especially Omicron) this seems to defy logic. “Hey let’s have a giant wedding where this thing would theoretically spread like wildfire but let’s make sure everyone is vaccinated so we can feel better about it”

Seems asinine to me. Complete virtue signal.

I want to lie and just attend. Wife thinks that’s a bad idea. Family probably suspects I’m not vaccinated although I never really talk about my personal opinion on this. I’m in my 30s, lifelong athlete, very healthy, exercise daily, already had COVID, etc.

What say you? Lie and attend or let the libs push the line even more?”

You’re looking at this way wrong, YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO TO A WEDDING WITH YOUR WIFE. AND IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! THEY ARE MAKING IT POSSIBLE BY EXCLUDING YOU!

Why would you want to go to a wedding so bad you’d lie to go that wedding?

I mean, I’d understand if it was a really close family member getting married, but that isn’t the case here. It isn’t even your family, it’s your wife’s family! You don’t even know most of these people.

Are there heterosexual married men in their thirties who are begging to attend MORE weddings? If you were a single guy and the bridesmaids were all going to be smoking hot or if you were dating a really hot girl and she was insistent that you had to be there, these situations I could understand. But if your own wife is willing to allow you not to go to a wedding because you haven’t gotten the covid vaccine, it feels like a get out of wedding jail free card.

Hell, if you told me I could use my lack of a covid vaccine as an excuse not to have to ever attend weddings I didn’t want to go to for the rest of my life, I’d be doing cartwheels in my office right now.

It seems to me like you’ve stumbled upon an absolute perfect excuse, the golden out of wedding ticket.

Good for you!

By the way, one of my friends got married recently and they asked that only vaccinated people attend the wedding. I couldn’t attend because it was a fall wedding and I was going to be on the road for the Outkick bus tour, but I wasn’t going to lie to attend their wedding.

If it had been a wedding I could have attended, I would have called him and said, “Look, I’ve had covid and am a healthy guy. You know me. I’m not going to get vaccinated. What’s more, I’ve publicly said on my shows for over a year now that I’m not vaccinated so I’m not going to change that decision or look like I’m a liar by coming to your wedding after you mandated vaccines for people there. I’m happy to come to your wedding, but I’m not going to get vaccinated to do it. So it’s your call.”

I think that’s what all reasonable adults should do in situations like this.

I’m not going to berate someone else for their decision or argue why it’s stupid.

Personally I think it’s crazy that people care about covid vaccines for weddings. First, the vaccine doesn’t stop you from getting or spreading covid. So it’s really doing nothing to make anyone safer. That is, you could have the covid vaccine and still spread covid like crazy at a wedding. It’s just nonsensical to pretend otherwise based on the current data.

But on a larger scale, think about how crazy you would have thought someone was if they’d asked to see your vaccination card for any wedding prior to March of 2020. I’m vaccinated for measles, mumps, rubella and whatever else they shoot you up for when you’re a kid. The only time, and I mean the only time, that I’ve ever needed to show proof of vaccination as an adult was for college and law school. I’m 42 now. Since I graduated law school at the age of 25 no one has asked me for any vaccine status updates.

So imagine what you would have thought if you went to a wedding any time before March of 2020 and someone had insisted on you providing proof of vaccination to attend.

You would have thought it was batshit crazy, right?

AND THOSE VACCINES ALL WORKED 100%!

Yet no one ever asked you to prove you had them. Because if you have those vaccines you don’t care whether someone else has gotten the vaccine because you are protected from the virus. That’s the entire point of the vaccine.

Anyway, that’s still what I think today.

I believe that eventually these vaccine mandates will disappear, hopefully this summer, but certainly after the 2022 midterms when the Democrats get absolutely destroyed in the elections, and no one will care about covid “vaccines” any more by the time 2023 is here.

“How would you handle vaccine booster shaming by family and friends? I am a healthy mid-thirties male, already had Covid in December 2020 with little to no issue and reluctantly got the Pfizer double shot in April 2021. Now it appears that the vaccine-shaming earlier this year is turning into Booster-shaming going into 2022. I absolutely do not want to get the boosters that will only continue to be pushed on us by big Pharma and the CDC. How would you handle this situation? Get the booster or no?. (And go Titans)”

I’d do what I do now, explain why I’ve made the decision I have and let people agree or disagree with it.

At your age and in your health and based on the fact you already had covid and got the double covid vaccine, no, I wouldn’t get the covid booster.

Maybe I’m rare, but being shamed doesn’t really work on me anyway.

I don’t feel any shame at all over not getting the vaccine or the covid booster. I had covid, I’m healthy, I did my own research and talked to doctors I trust about my decision. Based on the data, it’s completely worthless for me to get the vaccine or the boosters.

Could I still die from covid?

Sure.

But the statistical likelihood is essentially zero.

Having already had covid and recovered from it without any issues at all, I’m far more likely to be murdered or die in a traffic accident than I am to die of covid. Now someone could be like, “Well, you wear a seatbelt in the car, don’t you?!”

And I’d say, “Of course, I do. But I don’t wear full body armor or a helmet or drive a bullet proof car.” Statistically those things would make me safer from being murdered or dying in a traffic accident, but they aren’t making me safe enough from a remote risk that I would undertake them.

Put it this way, kids are more likely to drown, by far, than they are to die with covid. If your kid is going to be at a swimming pool and he can’t swim, putting him in arm floaties or a life jacket makes sense. But if you insisted that your kid wear a life jacket or arm floaties everywhere he went — to play baseball, to restaurants — just because he might trip and fall into a lake on the way to baseball or a restaurant, that would be a ridiculous parenting decision.

And your kid would never become a normal adult.

Adults have to make rational decisions about acceptable risk. That’s a huge part of what being an adult is.

It’s impossible to eliminate all risk from life while living a normal life.

I think really what covid has shown us is how terrified so many people are of random and unexpected death. Am I the only person who reads history? People used to die in all sorts of crazy ways. You step off the porch wrong, break your leg, and like two weeks later you were dead of the broken leg.

I’m not even kidding.

My great grandpa had a bad broken leg and they were like, “He was lucky to live.”

HE BROKE HIS LEG.

And people talked about how lucky he was to live from it.

Now a fat 82 year old smoker dies with covid and we shut down the entire country and talk about how terrifying it is.

I just don’t get it.

What covid has taught me is that I have a way higher risk tolerance than most people. Also, I’m just not that afraid of dying. Maybe I’ll get super afraid of dying when I’m old, but if you told me that tomorrow I was going to die, I’d only be upset for my kids. Because not having a dad would totally suck. (Especially one as awesome as me).

My wife would be fine, I’m not even sure she’d miss me.

She’d be able to get like fifty cats, no one would ever check the credit card bill, and my home office wouldn’t take up like 2,000 square feet of our house so she could put a full gym in. Hell, her life might get better without me.

But in terms of my own life, I mean, I’d like to live to be ninety and die in my sleep and be entirely healthy between now and then, but I’ve had a really good 42 years. I’ve done pretty much everything I’ve wanted to do in my life to this point.

Are there tons of other things I’d love to do?

Of course.

But it’s not like my choices are death or immortality, we’re all going to die, it’s just a question of when. And two hundred years from now will it matter if I died in 2022 or 2062 for the tiny number of people who ever come to look at my gravestone? Probably not.

To me that’s always been an encouragement to live life like you want to live it as opposed to being boring as hell and living a long time. When I see someone wearing a haz mat suit to go to the grocery store or get on an airplane flight, I gotta be honest with you, I think to myself, why are you so afraid of dying? Your life looks like it sucks already.

Anyway, maybe that’s just me.

Happy 2022, I hope you don’t die this year.

As always, thanks for reading the anonymous mailbag. Send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed as always.

Written by Clay Travis

OutKick founder, host and author. He's presently banned from appearing on both CNN and ESPN because he’s too honest for both.

10 Comments

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  1. Re: the wedding letter, I didn’t see the most important question addressed in either the mail or in Clay’s response…..it should factor greatly in how this guy deals with the situation.

    The question is….”open bar?”

    • Exactly, and on a larger scale, it just depends on the wedding. Some weddings you look forward to because you know it may very well be the most fun/exciting/crazy social event you attend all year. Others, let’s just say, not so much. That’s the motivating factor here.

  2. On the subject of the Covid-crazies and their obsession with masks/visors/other nonsense, I agree: I wonder, what life is it that you’re trying so hard to protect? It looks like you’d be better off just kicking the bucket.

  3. Vaxxers can be every bit as annoying as vegans, crossfitters and AmWayers. The SOBs can get downright pentecostal in their zealotry..
    .
    I tend to combine my response to “You have been vaxxed, haven’t you?” … “No AND I voted for Trump twice and will a third time if he runs and I’m a hetero white guy who owns four guns …” That fusillade usually scares them away.
    .

  4. Clay really went off on a tangent on the “I live near Cincinnati” question haha.. I mean dude asked about covid and sports and it turned into a long ass rant about Nashville in the 90’s lol..

    Also, per the intro, stop asking Clay about the Wuhan virus. There’s really nothing left to say.

      • LoL.. Yeah, man, either lie and go or keep it 100 and don’t go. Those are the two options, not really that difficult to navigate.

        I want more mailbag questions like the one about the married dude having an affair, banging his co-worker on his desk.

  5. Exactly. That’s the shit we need. Like Clay I banged a 64 year old Waffle House waitress named Margaret, she was missing a few teeth and covered in jailhouse tattoos but had the best pussy ever. Should I leave my wife for her?

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