Anonymous Mailbag

It’s Tuesday, time for the anonymous mailbag.

If you’re home and looking for new content to consume, I guarantee you will enjoy this morning’s Outkick radio debate between NBC’s Peter King and me over whether I’m an awful person.

Go check it out, it’s in hour three of the podcast.

As always, send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.

Here we go:

“My wife recently had our second child and just finished the 6 week recovery period in which the doctors recommend waiting to have sex. During that period there was no sexual activity between us. She wanted to have sex the night her doctor cleared her on week 6 and I would assume that we will get back to our routine of 1-2 times a week.  

Am I wrong for thinking that I should have received a bj or even a good old fashioned hj during that 6 week period? I’m not asking for much, just something other than my phone to keep me from pulling a Robert Kraft. What is standard protocol here? Secondly, my wife wants another kid more than I do.  Should I negotiate the after birth action before we start trying for the next one?”

Your wife just pushed a baby out of her vagina, which is like pushing a watermelon through a grape physiologically — or, even worse, had a C-section — and has been breastfeeding that infant, which will not sleep for more than a few hours in a row, for multiple weeks. She likely hasn’t slept much herself, feels fat and unattractive, has lactating breasts, may feel too tired to even shower, and has a tiny newborn she’s responsible for all day long every day. Not to mention, and maybe this is too graphic, she may have injuries she’s recovering from that took place during the birthing.

And in her very limited (aka nonexistent) free time from all this responsibility you want her to blow you? Or jerk you off?

I gotta be honest with you here, if she does that she’s a saint. Because if I had all this going on I don’t even think I’d want to jerk myself off, much less expect someone else to do it.

And having had three kids I felt like way too much of an asshole to even suggest what you’re asking to my wife when they were newborns.

So just jerk off, dude. (And if you can’t jerk off by yourself for six weeks without paying for sex, you’ve got bigger problems in your life than six weeks without sex).

Having said all of this, you should definitely negotiate more sex in exchange for baby number three. Once she’s off the pussy disabled list, aka the PDL, you can feel free to work out trades. But until she can pass the physical, you need to just give her as much support as possible. And jerk off quietly at night to the flickering images of your iPhone like a gentleman.

“Let me start by saying I have absolutely no problem with interracial relationships. I would certainly go out with a red hot smoking women of another race. My question is, what’s the deal with all the interracial couples on television commercials? I would guess that 50% of commercials that have obvious couples have interracial couples. I see nothing wrong with this except it’s so off percentage wise from real life. I just wonder why when advertisers in a herd mentality do something, why they do it? If you haven’t noticed this phenomenon, you will now.”

I think this is just about checking off all the boxes to appeal to the largest possible demographic of viewers. While also broadcasting to everyone, LOVE IS BLIND, WE DON’T EVEN NOTICE THESE COUPLES ARE INTERRACIAL.

It’s like when Angelina Jolie said she didn’t see race and then adopted a kid from each racial group.

Pretty wild how that randomly happened, right?

Nothing more nefarious than this though.

This past weekend we watched a new WWE movie on Netflix — my kids loved it — where a mixed race kid, the star, had a white dad, a black grandma, an Asian girlfriend, and Indian and white best friends.

But that wasn’t it either, the three bullies were also three different races. So even the bullies were white, black and Asian too. Other than a Hispanic person the entire rainbow of American diversity was encapsulated in this single WWE movie. Everyone could watch it and see a version of themselves.

The clear goal of a movie like this, even if they are beating it over your head if you’re an adult, is that we’re all much more alike than we are different, which I think is true and is a good lesson for young kids to understand early. (And for adults to be reminded of.)

Now the flaw in the logic here is it presupposes that kids only see themselves in movies based on race. In other words, that a kid can’t identify with a person of a different race even though they might have similar personalities and interests because they are a different race (or sex). One of the great things about sports, which are probably our best youthful way that kids come in contact with others of different backgrounds, is you learn most kids are pretty similar, regardless of race or religion or ethnicity or sexuality.

But I think the pay off is still worth it, the key to me is all the kids in the movie, while they were racially diverse, weren’t defined by their race. And I think that’s a positive direction movies and TV are moving. Because for a long time if you had diverse characters they had to be defined by their race and that was the reason they were there. The black guy is a BLACK GUY and the Asian person is the ASIAN PERSON. As opposed to just being real, vibrant characters who just happen to be a certain race. Now we’re at least allowing these characters to be real people, as opposed to the stand-in representative for everyone who looks like them on the planet.

I think what’s going on with commercials and pop culture now is it’s easier, and cheaper, to simply make them diverse. And instead of making them diverse by having a white and black and Asian couple all featured, they mix them together in interracial families. Remember, for a while there were black commercials and white commercials, now it seems like that’s less common.

The goal is just to make one commercial to appeal to everyone.

Furthermore, remember commercials are mostly made for the audience twenty years into the future — the younger people — as opposed to the older people. Commercials don’t reflect what all of us see of society, they reflect the society that younger people, who are more persuadable, see in their lives.

Plus, if you make a commercial with just white people, you’re racist. Or at least called racist on Twitter, which is what every company is terrified of.

Don’t believe me? Think about home security company commercials — you ever notice that the robbers in those commercials are always white guys? Because if they put a black robber in the commercials social media would lose their minds. Maybe we’re moving towards an era when the robbers will all be multiple races, so even robbers are diverse and inclusive, but in the meantime if you watch commercials you’d only think white dudes robbed houses.