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Anonymous Mailbag

It’s Tuesday, rejoice, the anonymous mailbag is here to make your day better.

As always you can send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.

“For 9 years a bunch of buddies and I in my neighborhood (18 of us in total) and we all get together every Monday night in the fall to watch Monday Night Football.  We call it the Monday Night Football Club.  (I didn’t say that we are inventive…)
Every guy takes a turn to host a night (2 guys go in on the 1st night doubleheader and 1 guy always hosts the Super Bowl).  To “make it interesting” we all chip in money each week to bet on each game and we vote on who to bet on (majority rules).  We take all of the winnings each year and throw an annual Super Bowl party inviting our wives.  Due to the fact that we have hit on a 59% clip over the past nine years, we have an abundance of leftover money.  
To celebrate our 10 season next year, we want to really celebrate and use the leftover funds.  Do we…
1.  Go to Vegas for Super Bowl weekend?
2.  Go to Tampa for Super Bowl weekend?”
First, congrats, that’s a fantastic winning gambling record over nine years.
Second, I think this boils down to how much money you want to spend outside of the trip itself. Tickets to the Super Bowl will cost you, conservatively, $5k each (exactly how much depends on the teams involved) and in order to attend any cool parties you are probably going to pay thousands more.
As if that weren’t enough, decent hotels, especially in cities like Tampa that aren’t that big to begin with, cost exorbitant sums of money relative to what they generally cost any other time of the year.
If you go to the Super Bowl without any connections to allow you to get in parties or without the plan to spend thousands of dollars on entertainment once you’re there, it’s really not that much fun.
So I think this is an easy choice — you go to Vegas.
Vegas hotels will be decently priced and so will the entertainment. Plus, you can choose how much you want to spend on activities out there. You can go expensive or cheap, there’s no minimum floor expenditure. Plus, there are far more entertainment options than exist for Super Bowl weekend.
I think the Vegas is the easy winner here.
“I got genital herpes about a year and a half ago. Now I’m wondering how you would deal with this going forward with relationships. Since I got it, I haven’t been in a relationship for longer than about a month. How would you go about approaching this problem? My ultimate fear obviously is liking a woman and then them not being able to overcome it. It’s not that big of a deal in reality, but I imagine it’s a decent sized hurdle to overcome. I can say if the role were reversed I could overcome it, but it’s also easier for me to say now. What are your thoughts?”
Fortunately, I’m not an expert on genital herpes.
So I had to look up information to answer this question intelligently.
And now I’m terrified by how common it is.
Nearly a billion people — 846 million, that’s 12% of the world! — has genital herpes.
In the United States alone more than one in six people have genital herpes.
This means genital herpes is far more common than I’d thought.
So how do you handle this if you have genital herpes? I’d delay sex and not bring it up until I was prepared to enter into a serious relationship. Put simply, I don’t know why this is a conversation you’d have when you’re casually dating.
Then I think you need to be prepared to share information with your partner when you have the actual conversation. Because I think most people’s reaction is like mine, you automatically recoil, sort of in terror, at the idea of having genital herpes yourself or dating anyone who does as well.
In terms of spreading the disease, what I read said that an infected partner has a 7.5% chance of spreading the illness to the other partner over the course of a year. That is, you have a 1 in 13 chance of getting genital herpes from your partner if you don’t have it and they do. That’s not as high as I would have anticipated, but it’s not low either.
I think the key here is I would only bring this up if you are very serious with a partner. This is not a conversation you have on the day a relationship starts and I don’t think it’s a conversation you have unless you’re seriously interested in dating someone.
“My grandfather died about 3 years ago and since then my 84 year old grandma has decided to make some changes to the will that they made some years ago. How major/minor they are is unknown to us grandkids and who will be affected is a mystery as well.
She is well to do but by no means a 1 percenter. My dad being one of the executors refuses to tell us any details as to what has changed or who gets what.

His family has a history of hiding these kind of things under the rug and not talking about issues within the family. He has however admitted that he felt his dad’s wishes weren’t being respected; of course we don’t know those either. Considering our ages (23, 26, 28), I find it particularly disturbing my dad will not talk to us like adults about her will as he believes that it’s none of our business even though it affects the entire family.

Everything about this will process and how my dad has gone about this and what little we know is at best uncertain. How he vents to my mom about this and expects her to say nothing to us about this is even more disturbing (her family is polar opposites to his in this respect). My brother and I have had multiple verbal arguments with him that end in my dad writing us off because “it’s not our concern” treating us as if we are children. With all of this being said, am I as well as my siblings entitled to know at least the basics of her will or are we being nosy as my dad insists?”
I absolutely despise “will drama” because if you’re a healthy adult I find it pretty embarrassing that you would be so desperate to inherit something for doing nothing other than being born. To me, people who are obsessed with inheritances are just making it patently obvious to everyone else that they haven’t been very successful in their own lives. So now they need someone else to die to be able to do the things they weren’t able to do based on their own hard work.
Maybe that’s harsh, but I think every adult should take care of his or her own family and not rely on a potential windfall coming decades in the future upon someone’s death.
Having said that, it sounds like your grandmother is attempting to exert some sort of power play by altering your grandfather’s will in a way that he wouldn’t have preferred (or allowed) if he were still alive. Your dad, who is obviously privy to the details of her will alterations, finds himself caught in the middle here. After all, he isn’t the one changing the will, he just appears to have knowledge of the changes.
So my first question is this, rather than badger your dad for information about what he knows, why not ask your grandmother yourself what her plans are with her will? Sure, it’s an uncomfortable conversation and a bit ghoulish and it might upset your grandmother for you to ask, but if you’re angry at your dad for not discussing more details of his mom’s will with you, why not just go directly to the source instead of blaming him for something he doesn’t control?
I’d bet the reason why you haven’t done this is because you’re afraid that by inquiring of your grandmother about the will that she might write you out of it or decrease your inheritance. But if you’re this obsessed about the will, the person to ask is the person writing the will. If you’re not willing to ask her yourself, I don’t know how you can blame your dad here. He’s just caught in the middle.
One of my favorite stories, by the way, about a family obsessing about an inheritance came from my hometown of Nashville and involved Vanderbilt University. A woman owned a home near the university and refused to sell the home, which she had lived in for decades, despite massive offers from the university. Eventually her family became so incensed over her refusal to sell the property that they took her to court to try to get her declared incompetent so they could sell the house to Vanderbilt. She fought them in court and a judge found her competent to make her own financial decisions. She then changed her will to leave the house to Vanderbilt University for free.
I absolutely love this story because the money-grubbing heirs got exactly what they deserved in this situation — nothing.
Having said that, I think it’s incumbent upon relatives with inheritable assets to try and treat all the heirs the same. We have three boys and when my wife and I die our three boys will inherit whatever we have left in three equal shares. The boys are young, but I’ve already made a point of telling them this. If you’re fortunate enough to believe you’re going to be leaving assets behind, I think that’s an important message to ingrain in your kids even at young ages — that you’re going to treat them all the exact same.
If you have multiple kids you know that from a young age kids become convinced that you treat them differently. Most parents I know try not to make this the case, but what better way to illustrate the fact that they’re all exactly equal than by letting them know at early ages that they’ll all be treated the exact same when you and your spouse are gone?
My second question about your situation would be this, if your grandma’s not a one-percenter how much money are we actually talking about inheriting? I’m guessing it’s less than a million dollars. If that’s being sliced and diced six or seven different ways, trust me, whatever money you inherit isn’t going to change your life that much.
You may think it will, but the reality is, it really won’t.
Let’s say you get $150k, which is far more than most people inherit, but seems like a lot of money to many people.
That sounds great, but most people fritter away a lump sump like that. They buy a new car — boom that’s $30k — and they take a good vacation — that’s $10k more — they help pay for a kid’s college — that’s $20k gone — before you know it that money is mostly gone and your life doesn’t feel that much different than it did before the inheritance.
My point here is your life doesn’t really change very much unless you’re inheriting a ton of money. With most inheritances you still have to go to work, you still have the same bills as before. You might have a bit easier next five years than you otherwise would have, but then the money is gone and you’re left wondering why you don’t feel that much different than you did before.
You guys are all in your twenties.
I think you’re expending far too much energy and angst over this situation.
My point here should be pretty clear if you’re worried about an inheritance — and it’s not some massive multi-million dollar lump sum that’s coming to you — it’s not going to change your life as much as you think it is.
It sounds like that’s the case here.
And, once more, if you’re worried this much about what your grandma is going to do, why not just ask her directly instead of blaming your dad for choices he isn’t making?
“I’m 32 years old and I’m balding. I’m 6’2″ so people don’t immediately notice, but if I sit down, it’s abundantly clear that I have zero hair on top. I have a healthy head of hair otherwise. Should I just own this and completely shave it, buzz it, or just stick with what I’ve got?”
You don’t want to be the guy with like ten long threads of hair that he’s grown out so long that it lays on top of his head like a multi-layered eagle’s nest.
I tend to think a close-cropped buzz like look for a bald guy is a good look.
It makes you look like an aging Marine, still kind of a badass, but not trying to fool anyone by pretending you have hair.
The buzz is the smart play, I think.
Longtime reader and fan here, and I desperately need your advice.  My wife and I are in our early 30s, both have stable jobs, have two great kids, and make close to 200k.  Life is good- except for one issue. My wife has started lobbying for a third kid.  I love kids, but I have never wanted more than two.  Don’t get me wrong: I love making them, and any married man knows “wife trying to get pregnant” sex is second-to-none in the married sex continuum.  Until recently, the Mrs. has not been able to make a compelling argument for baby #3.  Last week she dropped a bomb on me.  She has informed me that she will get new boobs after delivering the third child.  What’s the move here?  This has got me considering the third child.  Is going from two kids to three kids that big of an adjustment?  Kids are really expensive, but I’ve been hinting at the new rack for years and made very little headway.  Is this a fair trade?  What does the almighty boob-loving, gay-Muslim moderate advise? 
Now the update:
“I highly doubt you remember my original question, but the main issue was my wife’s willingness to get new boobs if we had a third child.  Long story short- over the past two years, she upped the ante from new boobs to tubes tied and new boobs. Ultimately, I accepted her “Tubes and Boobs Compromise.” 

Well- as luck would have it, she’s pregnant….and willing to hold up her end of the deal. Here’s my question: how can I, ahem, “advise” her on the new pair?  Is it fair game to just start pointing out every woman whose rack I find attractive?  Do we have this conversation in the melon section at Publix?  Surely pointing out women in the cul-de-sac and using them as examples is frowned upon.  I feel like this is setting up to go very well for me if I play my cards right.  Please advise.”

The line I think you have to tread here is the distinction between “milf boobs” and “porn star boobs.”
Your wife is about to have her third kid. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with porn star boobs — and maybe you want your wife to look like a porn star — but I think this is where you have to lean on the doctor’s advice and go in for the discussion with her to help consult.
Ultimately, more than anything, it matters what your wife wants. Does she want everyone knowing she got new boobs — as will happen if she went in a b-cup and comes out a double d — or is her goal that people just think she’s wearing a great bra? In other words, is she going for a nice, respectable two handed dunk to finish off a fast break or does she want to hang on the rim, grab her balls and get t’ed up style boobs?
I’m of the opinion that fake boobs that look like they might be real boobs is the way to go.
You want people to think, “Are those real?” not, “My God! That woman is never drowning at sea for the rest of her life.”
Again, I’m not saying either style is wrong — after all you’re reading the guy who got banned from CNN for saying he liked all boobs — but I think both of your preferences matter here. Hers, obviously, matter much more than yours.
I’d say going with a perfectly proportioned — and uplifted — cup size larger boobs, in general, is a solid move. B to a full C, C to a full D, if you’ve already got D’s just putting them perpetually perky is a nice addition.
Since your wife has had three kids, it’s likely those kids have sucked her boobs dry and left them hanging like empty water balloons.
So why not return your wife to pre-kids boob glory with a nice addition on top of that? I think that’s a very reasonable goal for both of you.
By the way, can you imagine if dick jobs were as easy as boob jobs? No guy would ever go tasteful sizes. We’d all have kickstand dicks.
I think shorts would be outlawed all over America. Women would be dying from blow jobs in epidemic fashion. Cowboys wouldn’t need lassos anymore, they’d just throw their dicks out and catch cows for branding. Every ad on sports talk radio would be for dick jobs. Male pornstars would go from making money to appear in porns to guys competing to pay thousands of dollars to be cast in them.
The entire world would be a mess.
Anyway, good luck with your new boobs and on crafting such a great compromise.
And good luck with the new kid too.
Send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.

Written by Clay Travis

Clay Travis is an author, radio show host, lawyer, TV analyst, and the founder of OutKick (formerly known as Outkick the Coverage).
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The Daily Outkick: Tuesday, February 11, 2020

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