Anonymous Mailbag

Charlotte McKinney, Kliff Kingsbury

It’s Tuesday, time for the anonymous mailbag. 

Given that Spring Break season is here, why not book an awesome house on the beach on Florida’s 30A coastline? I’ll be down here for two weeks in May and my guys at 30A cottages will hook you up like they hook me up. Why stay in a hotel or bad condo when you can stay in a mansion on the beach? Check out their houses. Mention “Outkick” in your booking notes for 5% off in March or April.

Okay, on to the anonymous mailbag. As always, send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed.  

“We have an office March Madness pool of about 150 colleagues at $100 a pop. This isn’t company sanctioned so we do it discretely, not that the company would care anyway. How it works is one guy sets up a bracket in Excel and everyone submits their bracket (in Excel) to him. Then after the games start, he starts to go around collecting $100 per participant. This year, I happen to be the money collector.

I’m going around collecting monies and I get to a senior executive at the company, and yesterday (Monday) after the sweet 16 is already set, when I ask for his entry fee he says to me “hey I’ve got to run, but I’m going to drop out of the pool this year. I decided not to participate.” Well he DID participate. And his bracket is in the lower quartile. It’s clear he’s weaseling out of this because he now has no chance of winning. He clearly submitted his bracket and it is up in flames. What a dick move! How should we handle this? Yes he will be banned from entering in future years, but I feel like someone needs to say something to this guy, who by the way definitely makes at least a half million dollars per year. He’s very senior and I’m rather junior so I don’t want to confront him again, but what should someone do about this? Stand up to him? Say what? Just give in to him?”

You can’t go to war with him because he’s a senior executive and he might retaliate against you, but there has to be another executive that is senior to him who is in the bracket challenge too, right? That’s who you need to exert the pressure on him.

So what I would do is when one of his bosses turns over their $100 entry fee I would mention the other executive refusing to pay, lay out the details, and suggest making fun of him for being cheap. He’s likely to break when his boss makes fun of him.  

As a cover for how the boss found out — you don’t want to get blamed for narcing — I would have the head of your bracket group send out a group email to all participants lauding the top ten performers after the sweet 16 — ostensibly this is to praise those ten people — and then say that there are a few recalcitrant bracket participants who have not yet paid their entry fees. I would name these people and say that collection agencies will soon be stalking their offices and that you will be compelled to remove all pens, papers, highlighters and paper clips from their office if the payment does not arrive soon.

Cloak the dig in humor and it’s hard to be called out for it.   

This should work and it avoids you having to go nuclear on the senior executive trying to get a free ride on your bracket challenge.

Incidentally, the winner gets $10k or more?

Holy shit.

That’s awesome.  

“Last week some buddies and I went to Las Vegas for our annual March Madness trip. We are all mid to late 30’s and what I assume is just normal guys. One evening while there one of the guys suggest we go to the Green Door which is a sex club.

I’m not sure if he thought this was a good idea because we were all drunk or that even in a completely sober state of mind that anyone would agree to go and this was his best chance to go. Well next thing you know we are in an Uber and heading that way (who knows what the Uber driver is thinking driving six guys to this place).

While we are there it was a very odd scene and mostly just guys walking around except for a couple of rooms where couples are just banging nonstop for everyone to watch. We were there for a bit and everyone was ready to head back to the casino.

The car ride back was eerie quiet until one guy ask a very random question. How many people from our alma mater has ever been to the Green Door?We all agreed it was the perfect question for you. We went to a small liberal arts college in the South and it’s pretty conservative. So what do you think is the average percentage of people to go to a place like that? Also one guy wants to tell his wife and we all told him if he did and it got back to any of our significant others/girlfriends he would be banned forever from any more guy trips for two years. Is this a fair punishment for him if he gets everyone in trouble or do we have to listen to them complain? Also in case you were wondering one of the guys in our group got asked to join in with a couple and declined. I guess we are all very average. Thanks for settling this for us.”

You totally buried the lead here by saying your buddy got asked to join a couple in group sex. That’s pretty remarkable. I have so many questions about the sex club. Were you guys fully clothed? Is your buddy hung like Greg Oden or better looking than Jon Hamm? What made him stand out such that a couple wanted him to join in as a single guy? If I were walking through a sex club in my normal clothes and someone wanted me to come bang his wife or girlfriend, I’d be pretty damn flattered.

(Also, I totally assume a group sex club is where I’d see Outkick readers, by the way. When I was at the Super Bowl in Houston I’ve already told you that an Outkick reader gave me his business card in a strip club after having a naked stripper grinding on top of him call out my name. I’d completely expect for some guy to be going to town banging his wife and then see me and yell out, “DBAP!”).  

As for your questions, a tiny percentage of people have ever been to a sex club. In fact, in a country of 323 million I’m guessing that way less than 1% of people have ever been. As for a specific sex club, it’s even tinier. SO odds are that no one from your school has ever been to that club before. 

Now for the big question you didn’t address, how hot were the girls? 

When most people think of sex clubs they think of “Eyes Wide Shut” or “True Detective 2” style parties. That is, they picture the women as being smoking hot. That’s the fantasy that you want to be true. But I’m guessing that’s not the case with random clubs that you can go to in Las Vegas. I’m sure there’s a collection somewhere of smoking hot swingers, but I’d think that’s a rare club of exclusive participants.

The odds of the girls being good looking at a random sex club in Vegas has to be low. But we need more details from you to confirm for sure. By the way, this isn’t true for strip clubs. It’s astounding to me how many good looking girls will work as strippers for like $100k a year.

(I’d love to see, by the way, the tax returns of Vegas strippers. What are they reporting as income? Do they ever get audited and caught evading taxes? What do top Vegas strippers make in a year?)  

For research purposes only, I just clicked on the Green Door’s website — as tens of thousands of you are doing from this link now — and my favorite thing on their events page other than the girl with the perfect ass is that they give $15 off to the troops.

God bless America. 

“My buddy just had a baby the other day, and we were trying to tell him no matter how much he denied it, he would find himself at 4am feeding his baby and he would try his wife’s breast milk. That prompted us to text all of our other friends who had babies and most all had at least tried it and “tested it” to determine the temperature. Is this common to try it? Is this gross? Normal? What say you, have you tried your wife’s breast milk?”

Yes, and it didn’t taste like normal milk. 

I mean, no, of course not, never. 

You’re sickos. 

Moving right along…

“I was letting my work iPad charge and I grabbed my wife’s iPad to read some scores from the night before and of course check out Outkick. I opened the Safari tab and many tabs were open, however, the first one I click on is her Facebook page. I am not a jealous husband so I was about to quickly change the website, but since I am not on social media I was curious to see what picture she had up for her profile.

That is where my problem began.

I looked at her picture — my wife is hot — and noticed the messenger tab on the side of the page. Many of the names on the messenger board were our friends and relatives, except one. It was a guy from her work. At first I thought no big deal, but then I just got curious and had to see what in the world they had to Facebook message one another about. So I clicked and opened the message board. It only dated back about a month but most of the messages were just “Hey, How you been” typical stuff. But as I got toward the end of the page I saw several messages that made half a dozen emotions run through my head. The messages started out with the work “friend” asking my wife for “another” picture. Her responses was “Ok but you have to promise to delete it.” He responds “I promise, don’t I always.” My initial husband response was, “I am going to kick this dude’s ass!!!” But as I reread the message over and over my heart sank, because ultimately she was the one that was agreeing to send whatever pictures to him.

I decided to exit of the page and cover up my tracks. I took a photo of the message page with my phone so I had proof. Later that day I sent several text messages back and forth with my wife trying to pick her brain and see if she could pick up on the fact that I knew something was going on. She definitely sensed something was different with my whole demeanor and started asking if I was ok. Then she started being very affectionate with me once she got home. I told her I was fine and was just dealing with stress from work. From that point on, I decided I wouldn’t call her out. I wanted to give her the opportunity to come forward and confess, if she chose to do so.

Let me be very very clear, although I am deeply hurt by finding out what she did. I know my wife better than I know anyone. And deep down, I really don’t think she would actually go through with it and “physically cheat” on me. I just know she starves for attention. She is a great person but she always has loved attention. Now I want know what my play is. Do I break down and tell her I know about her pictures. And demand explanations? Do I keep playing the guilt card on her conscience until she eventually breaks? Do I swallow it for now, keep a close eye on her and maintain the heavily coveted “upper hand”?”

I would directly confront her. Acting sad and moping around and hoping she confesses because she can tell something has changed with you is a pussy move. You saw your wife sending pictures to another dude on Facebook and you took a picture to prove it. I’m not sure that she’ll buy the fact that you accidentally stumbled on the discovery — I’m not sure I buy it either — but I don’t think your violation of her privacy is the issue here. If you’d violated her privacy and she’d had nothing to hide, your violation would have been the more significant wrong. But once you found that conversation and saw that she was sending pictures, her wrongdoing became more pronounced.  

Plus, snooping on your husband or wife in this age of constant technological contact is pretty common, even when it’s relatively innocent. For instance, there isn’t a married man alive who hasn’t gotten the question, “Who’s texting you at (insert late time here),” when your phone buzzes after 11 at night.

The only move you have here is a direct confrontation. (You could also do nothing and continue to monitor all of her messages, but that lack of trust would eventually drive you insane and kill your relationship.)

I think the card you play is radical openness. Toss your phone to her and say, “I’m fine with you reading any text message or email I’ve ever sent. Can you say the same?” (Just be sure you’ve deleted all your guy friends inappropriate texts beforehand.) This gives her a chance to confess. If she doesn’t confess you can tell her what you saw.

Then you can explore why she did what she did. What is it she’s not getting from you that led her to this decision? (I honestly believe that most men who cheat just like sex with more than one woman whereas I think most women who cheat are seeking some sort of emotional attachment that they don’t have in their present relationship). 

I’m not saying she’s “physically cheating” on you for sure, but I think the number of women who would send sexy pictures of themselves to men they aren’t married to and the number of women who would eventually have affairs with those men is pretty damn close to the exact same number.

Put it this way, how often do you think this story is true: “Don’t worry, honey, I didn’t screw him! I was just sending him sexy pictures to jerk off to!”

Good luck with the conversation.

And I hate to say this, but after your conversation I think maybe you should become one of those awful couples with a shared Facebook account. That way you’ve got the ability to see all the messages on the account.

Just know that if your wife is going to cheat, there’s really nothing you can do to stop her. Which is why you need to have a talk about why she’s sending pictures to guys at work. As for the dude at work, he’s not completely innocent here — he knows your wife is married and I certainly understand why you want to beat his ass — but do you blame him for seeking sexy pictures from a hot chick at work? Isn’t that basically the entire reason that Instagram and Snapchat initially existed, so hot girl pictures could be shared easier? Your wife is the issue here, not him. Because if it wasn’t him, it would be someone else.  

“I’ve got a girlfriend of three years, everything is great, no complaints, she’s younger so she has a great sex drive etc. etc. I couldn’t be happier, but here’s the question, real randomly one day someone added me on snapchat that I didn’t recognize. That user ended up being a smoking hot chick who started sending me random naked pics and then sexy videos.

I responded back to her and asked who she thought I was (I didn’t recognize her at all.) Through the chats I ended up telling the girl I’m not who she thought I was. HOWEVER, she continues to send some pretty sexy snapchats, knowing that I don’t know her.

I’ve never sent her anything, I do notice she’ll watch my stories I post, but I don’t have any interaction with her at all. Is this wrong? Should I block this girl? I still watch porn, and you nailed it on your watching porn in relationship analysis, and I don’t feel like I’m cheating. In fact, I feel like I won a small lottery on the internet. Is this wrong?”

Does Snapchat have fake girl accounts sending hot videos to random strangers? And if so, how come they don’t send them to me? I’m Clay.Travis on Snapchat, FYI. 

More seriously, this feels like a set up to me. Does this girl hate your girlfriend? That’s my first thought if this is actually a real account, that she has a reason to hate your girlfriend and has sought you out for that reason. Just to try to entrap you as a vindictive move against your girlfriend. So I’d consider asking your girlfriend whether she knows the girl on Snapchat.

Because assuming everything else you said is true — and that this girl is real and not a bot account — that’s by far the most likely reason this strange girl is interacting with you like she is. 

My other hypothesis is this is actually a dude and he gets his jollies off by trying to pretend to be a hot girl and is hoping you’re going to send him nudes yourself.

I think the least likely story of all is that this random hot girl happened to add you accidentally on Snapchat and now sends you hot naked videos for fun. I wish things like this happened, I’m just skeptical.   

As for the morality angle, why block her? Just don’t send anything inappropriate to her. If a hot chick wants to send you naked videos, who are you to make her less happy? Also, if your girlfriend finds out about it, just say you thought it was a bot and considered it no different than porn you watched online. 

“So with Christian McCaffrey entering the NFL draft, my friend and I were discussing how his father was an NFL star and mother was a track star, and how it made for some superior breeding and creating a White guy capable of playing running back in the NFL. I then proceeded to tell him I had thought of this long beforehand.

A little background. My grandfather was 6’5 and married my 5’2 grandma… resulting in a 5’11 father. My uncles and father were solid athletes, uncles played low level college basketball. Now my father married my mother who is taller than average…. resulting in me and my brother who are 6’2 and 6’3. My brothers and I were star football players in high school and talent was never the issue. We both had opportunities to play small level college football, I signed a Letter of Intent but backed out due to the high cost of the school. What kept us in my opinion from playing high level college football was that we were one of those guys who runs a high school 4.9 sec 40, when in reality we were 5.2 or higher. We just weren’t athletic enough.

Now present day, I met my wife, a high school track star…. 5’11 and quick… has the speed I want. I ultimately married my wife because I love her, but I also had the thought of the athletic children we can produce. My friend thought I was crazy for doing this, I thought this was genius. Why don’t more people think about their spouse and their intellectual attributes, athletic attributes ETC before marriage? Imagine if everyone did this? Einstein could only marry a women near his level of intelligence… etc. Or Lebron marries a Candace Parker and created the greatest basketball player to ever!?! I love my wife, and I am also looking forward to my sons and daughter dominate whichever sports they decide to go into.”

Doesn’t everyone think about this? This is the foundation of biology, picking the best person to mate with to allow your offspring the best chance to succeed. 

If you aren’t thinking about this, what are you thinking about when you pick someone to marry? I would have never gotten married if I didn’t want kids. To me, the point of marriage is to have kids. Otherwise I’d be perfectly happy being single for the rest of my life. 

When I was looking for a mate I didn’t care about race or religion or wealth or anything like that, some of you might, that’s fine, they just weren’t my concern. The top attributes I was looking for in a girl were: hot, smart, and funny. Probably, to be honest, in that order. Because without the hot I wouldn’t have gotten to the smart and funny. Yes, I judge a book by its cover. I’m an awful human being. I’m sure your fat and ugly wives are lovely on the inside. 

I met my wife at Vanderbilt Law School where there were a bunch of hot, smart girls in our class. And a bunch of guys in my class ended up marrying girls in my class. Bang, genetic gold mine. You’ve got two really smart people combining to produce more really smart kids.   

Now you can’t control who you fall in love with, but you can definitely help self select who you date, which is the method by which most people fall in love and pick a mate. The reality is most of us are eliminating a huge percentage of the population based on what we’re looking for in a mate.  

The number one reason I would never marry a dumb girl is because I’d be afraid her dumb genes would transfer to my kids. I absolutely, positively didn’t want dumb kids since my intelligence — and my hair — are probably the top two genetic advantages I want to pass along to my kids. You want to pass along your athleticism. So picking an athletic girl makes sense. I wasn’t athletic enough to even worry about this. (Although my wife is also more athletic for a girl than I am for a guy. So I won all fronts here.).  

If you aren’t thinking about what kind of kids you can produce with the girl or boy you’re dating, you’re an idiot. It’s a competitive world, you should want to give your kids the best shot they can have in life.

Genes matter.  

Send your anonymous mailbag questions to claytravis@gmail.com, anonymity guaranteed. 

So with Christian McCaffrey entering the NFL draft, my friend and I were discussing how his father was an NFL star and mother was a track star, and how it made for some superior breeding and creating a White guy capable of playing running back in the NFL. I then proceeded to tell him I had thought of this long beforehand.
 
A little background. My Grandfather was 6’5 and married my 5’2 grandma… resulting in a 5’11 father. My uncles and father were solid athletes, uncles played low level college basketball. Now, my father married my mother who is taller than average…. resulting in my and my brother who are 6’2 and 6’3. My brothers and I were star football players in high school and talent was never the issue. We both had opportunities to play small level college football, I signed a Letter of Intent but backed out due to the high cost of the school. What kept us in my opinion from playing high level college football was that we were one of those guys who runs a high school 4.9 sec 40, when in reality we were 5.4 or higher. We just weren’t athletic enough.
 
Now present day, I met my wife, a high school tract star…. 5’11 and quick… has the speed I want. I ultimately married my wife because I love her, but I also had the thought of the athletic children we can produce. My friend thought I was crazy for doing this, I thought this was genius. Why don’t more people think about their spouse and their intellectual attributes, athletic attributes ETC before marriage? Imagine if everyone did this? Einstein could only marry a women near his level of intelligence… etc. Or Lebron marries a Candace Parker and created the greatest basketball player to ever!?! I love my wife, and I am also looking forward to my sons and daughter dominate whichever sports they decide to go into.

Written by Clay Travis

OutKick founder, host and author. He's presently banned from appearing on both CNN and ESPN because he’s too honest for both.