'Omicron Has Run Out Of Fuel': Denver Drops Mask, Vaccine Mandates

The city of Denver has smoked out Omicron. Denver Mayor Michael Hancock made the decision not to extend the city's mandate, which required proof of vaccination and masks to enter businesses. The mandate is set to expire at week's end.

Congrats, Denver, you can once again live the high life!

"Following extensive discussions with our regional partners as well as current health advice and the downward trajectory of cases, positivity and hospitalizations, Denver will not be extending our public health order," Hancock said via press conference.

Coronabros pacing the streets of Denver -- scratch that, they're locked in their homes, hiding under their beds, and spraying their mail with Lysol. Anyway, those people are now left with the mere fumes of what were once beloved, fear-fueled restrictions placed upon their city.

"Our modeling makes it very clear that lifting the face covering order now is safe," said Bob McDonald, the executive director of Denver's Department of Public Health and Environment. "Cases are going to continue to decline and what that says is that Omicron has run out of fuel within our community."

Hancock confirmed that Denver residents and tourists are now just days away from seeing their mandates go up in smoke.

"So beginning Friday, people will no longer be required under the public health order to wear masks or show proof of vaccination for entry into a business in Denver."

Now if only Denver's leaders could puff, puff, pass this return to normalcy to the other dictators across the country...


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Anthony is a former high school basketball intramural champion who played a leading role in creating two offspring. He spends his weekends hoping for an MTV Rock N' Jock revival. Follow him on X (@OhioAF).