Colorado School District Cancels Valedictorians

The Hall of Shame will soon welcome a new member: the Cherry Creek School District in Colorado. Cherry Creek earned the honor when they decided earlier this month to do away with school valedictorians and class rank, lest anyone be... wait for it... offended!

“The practices of class rank and valedictorian status are outdated and inconsistent with what we know and believe of our students,” says a newsletter sent from the district to parents.

Beginning in 2026, students graduating in the district who leave the hallways with Cs and Ds will appear no different than those who made it through four years of high school without even sniffing a B.

The district apparently doesn't want to recognize achievement because it might make underachievers feel bad about underachieving.

The district views the recognition of exceptional students as a competition. Which is exactly what it is. But rather than applaud first place finishers, Cherry Creek would prefer to lie and say everyone is a winner.

Nothing prepares Jan and Joey for the real world like telling them there's no difference between first and last place.

"We believe all students can learn at high levels, and learning is not a competition," the newsletter adds.

If that's the case, why test anyone? Hell, why even give grades? If the Cherry Creek School District were an ice cream shop, they'd have no need for a menu -- patrons could get only soft serve.

Rather than have would-be valedictorians give a commencement address to fellow graduating seniors, star students (can we even call them stars anymore? Or will that offend planets, asteroids, and NASA satellites?) will be recognized via a school honor roll and their GPA. Like they would anyways.

If you wish to view Cherry Creek's plaque in the Hall of Shame for yourself, it's just down the hall to the left -- in between the "all genders" bathroom and the office of diversity and inclusion.


Follow along on Twitter: @OhioAF