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Hello? This thing still on? Sorry, had to ask. Everyone is apparently going to Threads because Elon Musk is too mean over on Twitter, so I had to make sure. Frankly, just point me in the direction of Alica Schmidt training videos and I’ll be set.
We’ll get to the Instagram (hey, that’s Threads!) star, and the World’s Hottest Track Athlete, in just a bit.
Glad we’ve made it over the hump this week and got to Thursday, because the day after the Fourth of July is always a grind. Mix in the fact that the Fourth fell on a Tuesday this year, and yesterday was pure chaos.
You’re hungover as hell and just enjoyed what felt like a Saturday but in reality, it was a Tuesday. What a miserable feeling.
At least if a federal holiday falls on a Thursday, you really just have one more day to push through until you’re back to the weekend. And let’s be honest, the Friday after a day off is really just an extension of said day off.
Is anyone really taking the Friday-after-a-holiday seriously? No way.
But you can’t do that on a Wednesday. The math just doesn’t add up. So yes, yesterday was a grind from start to finish, but we made it and we’re all a little before for it.
Alica Schmidt has a huge weekend coming up, so we’ll get to her in a minute. I think we should also check in on Kelley Levis — Will Levis’ sister who melted the internet during the NFL Draft — because boots on the ground tell me she’s tanning in the DR.
We’ll also get relationship advice from Patrick Mahomes, welcome Toby Keith back to the scene, check in on Subway and maybe get drunk Tom Brady some water.
Sound good? Cool.
Close your new Threads app for 5 minutes and settle in. Class is in session.
Welcome back, Toby Keith!
I’m gonna start out a little different today. Sorry, but you can wait for Alica a little longer. You’ll survive.
Toby Keith made his triumphant return to the stage over the weekend after battling stomach cancer for about 18 months now, and it was glorious. It was also a little sad because it certainly looks like chemo did a number on my favorite country singer of all time, but whatever. He’ll gain it back.
The important thing is, Toby’s cancer appears to be in a good place (or gone? I’m not sure) and he’s healthy enough again to slug solo cups of what I assume is Yuengling? No shot Toby Keith is a Bud Light drinker. Noooooo chance.
Toby Keith, by the way, is EASILY on the Mount Rushmore of country singers. For me, at least. I despise concerts, but I think I’d go to a Toby Keith concert.
Fine! MR of TK songs, which, frankly, may be the hardest thing I do all day:
- As Good As I Once Was
- I Love This Bar
- I Wanna Talk About Me
- Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue
Could easily make an argument for: Should’ve been a Cowboy, Made in America, Red Solo Cup, How Do You Like Me Now and Beer for My Horses.
Dark horses: Stays in Mexico, The Taliban Song, That’s Country Bro and Happy Birthday, America.
Whew. That was tough. That’s probably the least confident Mount Rushmore I’ve ever made for you guys.
Glad to have you back, Toby!
It’s a huge weekend for Alica Schmidt
That above song is a banger. Hugely underrated Toby Keith song on a hugely underrated Toby Keith album — The Bus Songs. You’re welcome.
From the links to the track, where Alica Schmidt — the World’s Hottest Track Athlete — is training for nationals this weekend out in Oregon.
You couldn’t pay me enough to go to Oregon, or anywhere on the West Coast. I will, however, travel to Bend, Oregon because that’s where the world’s last surviving Blockbuster is. I need to smell the inside of a Blockbuster one last time before I die. You can’t beat it.
What a tangent!
Anyway, give ’em hell, Alica Schmidt. Go Germany!
Kelley Levis works on summer tan in Dominican Republic
From one blonde who stole the internet’s hearts to another!
Looks like Kelley Levis — Will’s sister who went viral on Draft Night while Will plunged into the second round — is working on her summer tan down south.
Another week and more content from the NFL Draft’s biggest story. Kelley here went viral on draft night, prompting an immediate OutKick investigation.
We quickly identified her as Will’s University of Wisconsin sister, and she has since graduated and moved on to fully embracing her first summer as an NFL sibling.
And while Kelley was sunbathing down in the DR, Will’s girlfriend — Penn State’s Gia Duddy — was enjoying the beaches up in Nantucket.
Unreal. What lives.
Patrick Mahomes works his way out of the friend zone
Fun fact: I got married on Nantucket. Can’t hide money, am I right?
From the island to the Midwest, where Patrick Mahomes is handing out free dating advice for any of you out there stuck in the dreaded Friend Zone.
“We kinda met in seventh, eighth grade,” Mahomes said of his now-wife, Brittany, on his new Netflix documentary that premiered last night.
“She was the grade above me, I was kind of the best friend, in the friend zone forever.
“I used to walk her to class and was trying to flirt. When I was a sophomore in high school, she was a junior. I actually got her a rose … I had a crush on her.”
Apparently, Pat shooting his shot with a dumb rose worked.
“I thought it was the cutest thing in the world,” said Brittany. “And then everyone at our lunch table started chanting, ‘Kiss him, kiss him,’ and made it really awkward cause we were ‘just friends’ so that’s kind of what started it and then I thought it was cute.
“When they were chanting, I thought it was kind of awkward and it was funny. I was like, ‘Okay this guy is actually kind of cute. Maybe I do like him.’ So then we just started talking and then started dating.’
Smartest kiss she ever planted. The Mahomes’ are worth hundreds of millions now, and everything is great — minus Jackson being the absolute worst.
PS: the Friend Zone is such a miserable spot. Been there dozens of times. Hell, I used to have my mail delivered there. It’s truly a living hell.
Subway takes a chance and Tom Brady has a night
What an outfit choice from Brittany in Vegas this week. Pat, on the other hand, has clearly mailed it in.
Let’s rapid fire this bad boy before Alica Schmidt lands out west and Subway gets fully canceled.
Why, you ask? Well …
I mean, 10 out of 10. Look, I always tell you, funny is funny. I don’t care what kind of humor it is — and this one very clearly falls in the ‘dark’ category — if something makes me wanna laugh, I’m gonna laugh.
What a bold sign to make. My first guess would’ve been Florida, but I certainly can see this happening in Georgia, too. Hilarious.
I’d take this sort of humor over Russell Wilson’s Dangerwich any damn day. Please, make that stop.
Shockingly, that stupid sandwich was pulled from the menu months ago. Can’t imagine why.
Finally, here’s Tom Brady looking progressively drunker throughout the night at Fanatics’ CEO Michael Rubin’s annual Fourth of July ‘White Party.’
Genie Bouchard takes us into Friday
What a star-studded cast. Does Tom Brady ever just hang with normal people? I swear, every time I see him he’s surrounded by about four other superstars. It has to get exhausting.
Also, any guesses as to what tanked Tom Brady is telling Micah Parsons in that last picture? I can smell the Vodka on Tom’s breath from here. Love it.
PS: anyone catch who was behind Tom and Bob Kraft? That would be one Genie Bouchard — the Canadian tennis star who also sends out Instagram heaters on the reg.
And, right on cue, she WAS there! I knew my eyes didn’t deceive me. Wonder if her and Tom talked?
If she was smart, she’d be like Brittany Mahomes and shoot her shot. Could pay off huge in the end.
See you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Can Alica Schmidt get back to the top this weekend? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.