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So many of you are begging for an Outkick drinking game tonight that I’m hammering it out right now.
I hope you’ll come hang out with me during the game. You can mute your television and listen to us instead. We’ll have great guests and a fun time.
So here we go with 16 rules for the 2016 title game.
1. Every time Dabo Swinney having played at Alabama is mentioned, drink.
If someone watching the game with you admits to not knowing this or reacts with surprise, you may count to 45 while he or she drinks. This represents a second for each of Alabama’s national titles.
2. Whenever Nick Saban Darth Vader stares into the camera during his interviews, drink.
Nick Saban doesn’t talk to reporters, he talks to you at home. And, yes, he can see into your soul and knows what a pussy you are. In fact, if you want to make Nick Saban’s interviews even more fun, add the word bitch after every sentence and tell it doesn’t fit perfectly.
3. Is Deshaun Watson a mobile quarterback?
Every time that Deshaun Watson’s mobility is mentioned, drink.
4. Kirby Smart is coaching at Alabama despite having accepted the head job at Georgia.
When this is mentioned, drink.
5. Is Clemson undefeated this season?
Every time Clemson’s undefeated record is mentioned, drink.
When it’s mentioned that Clemson is trying to equal Penn in 1897 as the only 15-0 teams ever, drink.
6. When someone — aka your wife, girlfriend or Clay Travis — asks you to flip to the Bachelor during commercial breaks, you must accuse them of not being here “for the right reasons.”
And they have to do a shot.
7. Every time Lane Kiffin is shown on the sideline, drink.
If Kiffin is shown on the sideline holding up his hands for a touchdown before a pass is completed, do a shot.
8. When Derrick Henry’s Heisman trophy, his size and weight, or his number of carries is mentioned, drink.
If Chris Fowler follows up Kirk Herbstreit by saying, “You see him in the locker room? Great dick day for him too,” we all have to immediately drink to passing out.
9. Every time a player dabs or does that stupid running man celebration, drink.
If you don’t know what either of these celebrations are, stop the drinking game. You’re too old and might die.
10. Wayne Gallman is everyone’s sneaky most important part of the game.
It’s like everyone is supposed to be surprised Clemson has a running back. Every time Wayne Gallman is referenced as an X factor, or a secret weapon, or a key part of Clemson’s game plan drink.
11. Each time they show an Alabama or Clemson fan in the crowd and you think, how is it possible that dude afforded these seats, drink.
This will happen a ton.
12. O.J. Howard is Alabama’s junior tight end. Every time he catches a pass, drink.
Also, I have been predicting this is the game that OJ Howard will have a breakout performance in for two straight years. So if he has a breakout performance it’s totally because I predicted it.
13. If Johnny Manziel, Tim Tebow, Bear Bryant, or Vince Young are mentioned, drink.
None of these guys is remotely involved with tonight’s game. But I bet all four names come up.
14. Every time they show a smoking hot girl in the crowd — drink.
There are two Southern teams playing, this is going to happen a ton.
If your buddy pauses the live game or rewinds because the girl is so hot, everyone has to do a shot.
15. Alabama wide receiver Calvin Ridley is a freshman, drink every time this is mentioned.
He’s also like 34 years old, but whatever, he’s a freshman.
16. Speaking of 34 years old, Alabama defensive tackle A’Shawn Robinson is 58 years old and fought in Vietnam.
Every time you see A’Shawn Robinson without his helmet on the first person to scream out, “Ho Chi Minh City,” gets to assign shots.