Airlines Are Banning Booze, How Will You Cope?

Think of that first time you flew first class and realized they would just keep bringing you drinks. One after the other. Think back to the power you felt as you watched miserable losers parade by on their way to loser class while you were sipping on a screwdriver and pretending to read the Wall Street Journal, looking up now and then to order another one.

I seem to think the first time I flew first class was from Atlanta to Los Angeles to catch Ohio State-USC. The plane was loaded with rowdy Ohio State fans and it was like 7:30 a.m. I ordered an orange juice. Build a base. It was going to be a long weekend and I just wanted to make sure my Vitamin D level was elevated to fight off any bugs in the air.

“Just orange juice?” the big ol’ first-class veteran next to me chuckled. Next thing I know I’m pounding Ketel One or whatever they were serving that day and the plane was soon out of alcohol. All of it. Gone.

Now comes the news this week that airlines are banning alcohol on flights as a corona safeguard. Delta and American announced they’ll suspend serving alcohol, as will Easyjet and KLM in Europe and Virgin Australia. “Delta Airlines isn’t serving alcohol on domestic flights or within the Americas, but beer, wine and spirits can be found on all other international flights. Over on American Airlines, the airline is limiting food and drink service in the main cabin according to flight length and destination. Access to alcohol, however, is the preserve of long-haul international flights and the folks in First Class.”

That brings up the obvious question: will security start busting ball over people bringing shooters with them? Let’s go to the TSA ruling on this subject.

Alcohol between 24% – 70% ABV (48 – 140 proof):

  • For carry-on, same rules apply as above. You are limited to containers of 3.4oz or less that fit in your quart-sized bag.

  • For checked bags you are limited to five liters per passenger. However, it must be in unopened retail packaging!

So you’re allowed to bring shooters. Drinking them on a plane is a whole other story because we all know what the rules state and we also know your mom and dad were having shooter parties on flights to Cancun way back in the early 1990s. It’s not allowed *wink wink*. This is going to come down to where you’re seated and how many Karens are willing to out you for downing a shooter real quick to keep the airport buzz rolling along.

I get it, we’re talking about the Covid era and we all need to get serious so we can eliminate threats and get to our destinations. But this is like losing an old friend. That first class cocktail. That moment when you tell the cute stewardess to keep ’em coming while sitting in 42E – the middle seat – on your way to Vegas for two nights of plowing.

I’m not sure how you business travelers are going to handle this. I’d love to hear your old plane boozing stories and what you’re going to do now.

joekinsey@gmail.com or DMs @JoeKinseyexp

Let’s get back to days like these:

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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