Clay Travis made my week with the dual posting of the musings of Ole Miss hottie Shelby Claire and the Johnny Manziel Halloween costume vote. This vote could be the best thing for the internet since, well, ever, but we need to keep in mind the potential blowback on Johnny and the Aggies based on the vote.
While the suggestions of Johnny dressing up as a Sharpie, a $100 bill, or as Johnny Hancock may appeal to our collective sense of sticking it to the man, I’m not sure that Coach Sumlin, Big Daddy John Sharp, Johnny’s parents (or lawyers), or the NCAA will appreciate the irony.
Also, while it would be awesome for Johnny to dress up as A.J. McCarron with a Katherine Webb clone on his arm (or Katherine herself), we should pause and remember: A.J. could have thrown “Johnny All-night” under the bus at SEC media days when answering questions about Manziel leaving the Manning passing academy for oversleeping/ a dead phone, but McCarron didn’t. McCarron (and the Mannings) should be off-limits, lest the REAL story get out. I do have a caveat to that idea below (see Santa).
Now, short of those two areas, it seems that Clay has a few choices that allow Johnny to, well, be Johnny without crossing his team, coaches, school, or the NCAA. Of the choices for the vote, I think Nicky Satan and Kliff Kingsbury are the best. He can probably get Kliffy to loan him some of his Drakkar, pheromones, and his dapper wardrobe. He might even want to partake in the festivities. Now Nicky Satan…. Could Johnny raise it a level and raid his Johnny rainy day Cash to buy a plane ticket for Miss Shelby Claire to play the role of the daughter of Nicky? We know that she looks good in red… That there is some of God’s finest work. Johnny, just make sure she gets her vodka waters, sweet talk her with the Johnny Magic, and I bet you can get her to College Station.
I wish that Clay would have had Santa Claus on the list; this costume has sooooo many possibilities. Imagine Johnny holding court at the Dixie Chicken, and a line stretching to Kyle Field of women anxiously awaiting their chance to have their pictures taken with the reigning Heisman winner and whisper Christmas wishes into his ear: “I want a pony”, “I want a car”, “I want diamonds”, “I want a Big 12 Championship…”
“Coach Brown, get off Johnny’s lap and go back to Austin.”
Johnny could check off who goes on the nice list, and who has been… naughty. Cue the obligatory cheesy 70s music. It would truly break the internet if Johnny had an entourage of Santa’s little helpers. Perfection would be if said helpers were Katherine Webb, A.J.’s mom, and/ or Nick Saban’s daughter. And Shelby, of course.
Whatever Johnny wears, this endeavor could open up a lucrative business opportunity for Johnny Manziel enterprises in the future. Just imagine how much cash JohnnyHalloween.com will kick out; enough to get Johnny rims, a new Rolex, and keep Shelby Claire supplied with Grey Goose and Evian for life.
May Clay’s Allah give you all great wisdom in your voting– the fate of the internet rests in your hands.