Adam Scott Wins Masters, Breaks Hearts

Adam Scott, the man your wife or girlfriend actually wishes she was with instead of you, won the Masters yesterday.

Which is nice.

Because prior to this win all Adam Scott had going for him was that he was a single, multi-millionaire professional golfer from Australia who was ridiculously good looking. Now he’s a single, multi-millionaire professional golfer from Australia who’s ridiculously good looking with a green jacket.

I think I speak for everyone when I ask this question — how in the world could he live with himself without that green jacket?

Scott’s victory did, however, launch him into the celebrity stratosphere as millions of women around the world suddenly realized that he exists. And they all simultaneously wished they were with him instead of their current husband or boyfriend. If you doubt me, check out this google trend line for “Adam Scott girlfriend” searches on Twitter. Google hasn’t updated the searches for “Adam Scott girlfriend” to reflect yesterday’s results — and some of these were probably gay guys — but last year’s British Open, when Scott nearly won the tournament, sent Google search traffic soaring for his girlfriend. Chances are your wife, girlfriend, and all their friends were surreptiously Googling his marital status just in case.

Scott’s single, but he’s previously dated Ana Ivanovic.

 

Here they are on the beach.

And if Angel Cabrera, Scott’s playoff opponent in the Masters, can pull Argentine singer Coki Ramirez:

Yes, Angel Cabrera is an outkick the coverage hall of famer as soon as we can get a photo of this duo together.

There really is no limit to what Adam Scott can manage when he decides to pick a new girlfriend.

In fact, we might even go this far. Given that every woman in the world already wants him, if he picks the right woman Scott has a chance to give Tom Brady and Gisele a run for the title of hottest couple in the world. You’ll recall that we’ve previously placed Brady and Gisele atop the outkick the coverage mountaintop since it’s impossible for either Brady or Gisele to outkick their coverage. They’ve just managed to find someone as attractive and accomplished as they are.

So who could Adam Scott pick to give Brady and Gisele a run? Hundreds of y’all gave Twitter suggestions last night. I read all of those suggestions and came up with a top ten list.  

Ten girlfriends or wives that could give Tom Brady and Gisele a run.

1. Kate Upton

By far the most popular nominee.

Honestly, is she real?

It’s clear that the Adam Scott — Kate Upton children would battle the Tom Brady — Gisele and Brad Pitt — Angelina Jolie children for global supremacy in the future.

Also, you know what would be next — the inevitable Kate Upton wearing nothing but a green jacket photo shoot?

Incidentally, how many women do you think have worn the Masters green jacket with nothing on underneath over the years? Keep in mind Tiger won four of these. He’s probably good for twenty by himself. I’m going with an over/under of fifty.

Also, there’s a great boobs get in the way of the swing joke here, but I’ll leave that to Ben Wright.

2. Jennifer Lawrence

She’s got an Oscar and she’s awesome.

Why not mix two icons of American accomplishment, an Oscar with the green jacket?

3. Kliff Kingsbury

Both these men are straight.

But we’ve already established an OKTC rule: “It’s not gay if it’s Kliff Kingsbury.”

Can you imagine how many women would give up on straight men forever if Kingsbury and Adam Scott starting dating?

4. Mila Kunis

She was willing to date Macauley Culkin.

Why?

Does Adam measure up?

5. Minka Kelly

She’s vanished since the Derek Jeter marriage fell through.

That’s just unacceptable.

Lyla Garrity should never, ever vanish.

6. Beyonce

Can you imagine if Adam Scott stole Beyonce from Jay-Z?

Jay-Z’s next album would be easy as hell, Scott rhymes with everything.

7. Pippa Middleton

If Adam Scott married the queen’s sister then the King would become his brother-in-law.

And this perfect ass would be his to have and hold forever.

The British tabloids are agog at the mere possibility.

8. Elin

He’s already taken Tiger’s caddie and Tiger’s green jacket.

What if Adam Scott also took Tiger’s ex-wife? And Tiger’s $100 million divorce settlement?

Double eagle.  

9. Erin Andrews 

Lots of y’all mentioned her on Twitter.

Erin’s presently dating a pro hockey player, but if she becomes single again?

Great Scott.

10. Katherine Webb

She got famous at the BCS title game.

Can you imagine the attention this Southern girl would draw as a wife in a sundress waiting for Adam Scott to win another championship?

Your move, Adam.