Accountant Hayley Tries Out For Heat, Paige Spiranac Gags, 'Anita Dick' In Florida, National Cocktail Day!

There are so many balls in the air today I don't know where to start.

Speaking of balls ...

No, you animals. I'm not using that as a transition to Paige Spiranac - although, to be fair, Pageviews brought it all on herself. We'll get to her in a bit, though.

No, I'm talking about actual balls, because we have so many different sports to talk about today your head will spin.

We have an ELECTRIC bowler, a Florida accountant - and OutKick staple - trying out for the Miami Heat, a God awful putt (that's where Paige comes in!), and a Florida republican teaching us all a good life lesson about reading the fine print before signing it.

OK, that last one has nothing to with actual balls. Well, actually, it sort of does, but you'll have to wait and see.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot ... it's also National Cocktail Day! I mean, we have to give that proper treatment here at Nightcaps, right? Feel like that's sort of part of the contract.

All right, where should we start? Fine! Come on down, Paige.

Paige Spiranac has a rough few hours after one bad tweet.

Paige Spiranac with an unfortunate choice of words

Pageviews has been on an absolute roll lately, but that's to be expected. After all, golf is pretty much in it's absolute peak part of the year right now with a little Match Play this weekend followed by something called The Masters in two weeks.

That being said, even Paige - for as much as she posts - screws up once in a while. It happens to all of us, but it's always a bit amplified when you have a billion followers on social media.

And that's exactly what happened when poor Will Zalatoris missed a putt that even I would make (most of the time).

I mean, we all know how that tweet was gonna age, right? Can't be lobbing up hangers like that to the internet and expect to keep the ball in the park. Just not how it works.

Aaaaaaaaaaand right on cue!

Look, the only thing you can do when you pump out a tweet like that is take your lumps, and Paige did it, to her credit.

Match Play weekend ain't just a Masters tune-up for the golfers, you know. Everyone has to work out the kinks, including Paige Spiranac.

Looks like she's getting ready, though!

Florida republican does a little role call

Paige Spiranac wants that tweet back, and republican Will Robinson Jr. from the great, big, beautiful, free state of Florida wants this unfortunate moment back.

Good luck not watching this a dozen times. And you thought you were coming here for the Paige pictures!

It's just perfect. They say the perfect moment doesn't exist, won't ever exist, but they're wrong. This is it. The look of immediate regret, concern and confusion from our guy Will here is the best. It brings this moment from good to legendary.

Holden ... HisCock.

Right there - that pause - is when Will knew he was done for. But, you also can't laugh, because there's that 1% chance there actually is someone named Anita Dick or Holden HisCock, and you don't want to be offensive.

By the way, I grew up in Florida - as if you couldn't tell - and we're notorious for this stuff. I can remember back in the day, I wanna say it was around the 2008 election, and we had signs scattered throughout my town asking you to vote for "Ben Dover."

There was also another one, but it's so vulgar I can't even say it here.

Anyway, here's the obvious follow up to that moment. We've all seen this a million times, but it never stops being funny. One of the best skits ever.

Diana Zavjalova is the next big thing in bowling

Do you wanna go to war, Bilake?!

If one of ya'll says some silly ass name, this whole class is gonna feel my wrath.

If you didn't think that was funny, Nightcaps probably ain't the column for you.

Moving on ... I saw this video circulating earlier this week, and it sent me down a bowling rabbit hole I didn't now existed.

And I'm now here to officially proclaim Diana Zavjalova as the next great artist in the trick shot game.

Love this girl. So smooth. So cool. And, by the way, so good at bowling. Diana here is a European champion AND a two-time USBC Queens Major Champion. Don't know what that is, but it sounds important.

She's also become the top bowling influencer in the world with hundreds of thousands of followers on both Instagram and TikTok.

She's also dabbled in some modeling, which doesn't hurt, either.

It was a great week for Spirit Airlines!

While Diana was going viral for cool trick shots, Spirit Airlines - the official airline of poor people like you and me - was up to its old tricks of being an absolute war zone.

The latest 'Whoopsie!' from the budget airline came out in New Orleans, where security footage showed a couple gate agents rifling through one passenger's bag and then dumping the body.

How about our man Keyonne doing a little investigative work and requesting the security footage just so he could get to the bottom of this mystery? Love the initiative.

That being said, this line was sad. Funny, but sad.

If they don't find the garbage bag with my contents, I'll never get that back.

Keyonne, buddy. They ain't finding that.

At least they didn't steal your weed, though. Silver linings, pal.

Holly Sonders naked league, men in crop tops and National Cocktail Day

All right, let's empty the tank from the week so we can go into a loaded weekend with #clearminds (full hearts, can't lose!).

Hayley Caronia, take it away!

There you have it, fellas. Wanna get with OutKick star Hayley? Simple. Don't cut your shirt in half, eat red meat and be a damn man. I'm talking Busch Lights and Copenhagen Wintergreen - LONG CUT.

Moving on ... let's go from crop tops to no tops at all!

The floor's yours, Holly Sonders!

This was rumored about 10 days ago, and OutKick covered it like the OJ trial, because a topless sports league seems sort of down our alley. Don't know if you've noticed or not.

Anyway, we in or we out? Stupid question. Of course we're in! I mean, who could forget the OG Lingerie Football League?

Incredible stuff. Good luck, Holly!

Finally, before we end the week with Florida accountant Hayley Maxfield offering her services to the Miami Heat, it's National Cocktail Day. Around here, of course, every day is NCD, but this is the official day on the calendar so it deserves extra special treatment.

And that means ... Mount Rushmore of cocktails!

Don't come at me with Margs, either. Margaritas are gross. I bet Hayley (Caronia, not Maxfield) doesn't like guys who drink Margs.

PS: wanna know what the No. 1 most popular cocktail in the world was last year, according to Drinks International? The Negroni, which is gin, campari and vermouth. Who knew?

Florida accountant Hayley Maxfield wants to help the Miami Heat

OK, I think that'll just about do it for today, right? I mean, we've run the gamut here, from Paige Spiranac way up top, to 'Anita Dick,' to bowling.

Not even Nomar Garciaparra had that kind of range back in his prime (Nomar > Jeter, by the way)!

Turns out, Hayley - an accountant from Florida who's also a model - is ready to help the Miami Heat with one final playoff push.

Give 'em hell, Hayley!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Think Paige Spiranac should think twice before tweeting next time? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.