15 Completely Valid Reasons to Watch The Masters

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Full disclosure: I don’t really like golf all that much. I rarely play it (I basically quit after getting worse three straight years), rarely watch it (like most millennials I’d prefer to spend my Sunday afternoons day-drinking) and I don’t really consume it either. Honestly, pink shorts just aren’t really my thing. And yes, they are pink. Not “salmon.”

But with all that said, there is one exception I’ll make every year when it comes to my anti-golf embargo: The Masters.

Sure golf isn’t really my thing, but The Masters truly is “a tradition unlike any other.” It brings out all the things I love about sports (competition at the highest level, all the greats in one place) with all the easy to make fun of things that make golf so great to mock. After all, outside of those weird, “Skull and Bones” secret society meetings at Yale, there can’t be a single more pretentious place on Earth than Augusta National.

Yup, the Masters is an entity entirely unto itself, a place to both cherish and make fun of. So, if you don’t like golf (like me), here are 15 (very sarcastic) reasons to tune into the Masters this weekend.

1. Defending Champ Jordan Spieth: If Donald Trump is “Trying to Make America Great Again” and Bryce Harper is attempting to “Make Baseball Fun Again” then Spieth, Rory McIlroy and Dustin Johnson are doing their darndest to “Make Golf Cool Again” after a bit of lapse at the end of the last decade.

But even while Johnson and McIlroy both have “coolness” oozing from their pores, there isn’t anyone on tour right now who’s a bigger badass in general than Spieth. The dude owns a sick house, routinely hangs out at NBA games, and along with Kevin Durant and Earl Thomas, is just about the only thing University of Texas alums have to be proud of right now.

Basically, Spieth is an American treasure. And if you tune into the Masters for one reason, he’s it.

2. No Tiger Woods in the Masters this year, which also means no conversation about the single dumbest debate in sports: “Will Tiger catch Jack?”

Yup, that’s right, people are still arguing over whether Woods — who is nearing 41-years-old, is injury prone, and who hasn’t won a major since 2008 — can win four more to match the career mark held by Jack Nicklaus.

Uh, the answer is no.

At this point, I’m not even sure Tiger could catch Jack in a foot race, let alone in the race to 18 majors. So please stop asking.

3. The Champion’s Dinner: Ah, the first of many juicy, self-indulgent, “look at our history, we’re so different than every other golf tournament in the world” traditions that is totally exclusive to the Masters, and totally makes the rest of us throw up in our mouths every time we hear about it.

In this case we’re talking about the “Champion’s Dinner” and for those not familiar, the concept is pretty simple: Basically, every Tuesday before the Masters tee off, there is a dinner for all the former champions. The catch is, that the previous year’s champion gets to choose the menu for the dinner. Which is cute, it really is.

For those scoring at home, Jordan Spieth kept it simple with Texas-style barbecue this year, but it also raised an interesting question in my head: What would I put on the menu if I were in charge of the Champion’s Dinner?

That also raised another interesting question: How pissed would everyone be when they showed up and got served Taco Bell for the main entrée?

4. Dustin Johnson: I’m just gonna throw it out there: Johnson doesn’t seem like a very good dude. And when I say “not a good dude” what I really mean is, he strikes me as the kind of guy who will openly hit on your girlfriend right in front of you, and not feel an ounce of remorse about it.

Again, not a good dude.

But at the same time, golf needs personality, and nothing screams “personality,” quite like a guy who recently had a stint in rehab, and is married to a woman who is only famous for her Instagram feed.  

Basically, Dustin Johnson is the “everyman” of the PGA Tour. If every man was married to Paulina Gretzky.  

5. Rory McIlroy: Who loves blondes more than you do, is one win in Augusta away from a career Grand Slam, and has the single most fascinating college recruiting story that no one knows about.

6. Kiradech Aphibarnrat: I’ll be honest, I had never heard of this guy until I began writing this article, but once I began researching, I became fascinated. After all, how can you not root for a guy whose two nicknames are “The Asian John Daly” and “The Barn Rat?”

As a matter of fact, the only person I’m rooting for more than “The Asian John Daly” is…

7. The real John Daly: I’ll be honest, I have no idea if he’s playing in this tournament, or heck, if he’s even alive at this point. At the same time, can you imagine if John Daly actually went on to win the Masters?

It would be the single greatest thing to happen in the history of sports. Heck, I can already see the TMZ headline right now.

My guess is it would read a little something like this: “Daly forced to apologize after peeing in bunker, and lighting green jacket on fire during Masters victory celebration.”

John Daly is the hero America needs in these uncertain times.

8. Sergio-mania: Wait, is that still a thing?


Ok, let’s just move on.

9. Butler’s Cabin: Nothing speaks to the pretentious nature of the Masters quite like “Butler’s Cabin,” the place where the defending champion hands over the green jacket to the new champion to conclude the tournament every year.

It also raises an interesting question in my mind: What is Butler’s Cabin used for the other 364 days a year? If I had to guess, I’d assume it’s a place where old men congregate to get away from their wives, talk about nothing of importance, drink scotch, and sexually harass waitresses young enough to be their granddaughters.

Basically, it’s a slice of Americana right out of the 1960’s. It’s also a place where I’m guessing Jim Nantz would spend every day of his waking life if he could.

10. Speaking of Nantz: Think there’s any chance he gives the Masters champ his tie at the Butler’s Cabin ceremonies like he does at the NCAA Tournament?


Cool, let’s just move on to…

11. Verne Lundquist: Who’s the real MVP of the CBS announcing booth.

Now, will ole’ Verne butcher at least 37 player names, ages and countries of origin at some point in the tournament? Absolutely! Will we love him for it anyway? Of course. He’s America’s sweetheart.

True story: I nearly melted when I met Verne at the NCAA Tournament in Anaheim a few weeks ago. And I’m not ashamed to admit it.

12. The Azaleas: Which, are, umm…

Ok, who are we kidding. They’re freaking flowers.

The people in Augusta really need to get over themselves.

13. Jason Day: The No. 1 player in the world, favorite in Vegas, and who I was going to make a joke about… until I remembered his wild back story.

Honestly, there’s nothing to make light of here. The fact that he’s made it is this far is nothing short of incredible.

14. Oklahoma State’s Rickie Fowler: Look, there’s no arguing that it’s been a tough couple years for Oklahoma State athletics. There was that Sugar Bowl debacle against Ole Miss last January and the entire Travis Ford era in basketball. Not to mention Dez Bryant’s catch/non-catch, Joseph Randle’s incredible track record of non-stop arrests, and Brandon Weeden, who singlehandedly set back the sport of football at least 30 years last season (you’d think a 32-year-old, fifth-year QB would have things figured out by now).  

Thankfully, Fowler is here to save the reputation of Oklahoma State athletics. With his whispy mustache and all orange get-up on Sundays, the guy is basically impossible not to like.

Same with…

15. Jason Dufner’s wife: Who…

Wait, what’s that?

Dufner and his wife got divorced?

So she won’t be at Augusta National this weekend?

On second thought, maybe I won’t be watching the Masters after all.

Written by Clay Travis

Clay Travis is the founder of the fastest growing national multimedia platform, OutKick, that produces and distributes engaging content across sports and pop culture to millions of fans across the country. OutKick was created by Travis in 2011 and sold to the Fox Corporation in 2021.

One of the most electrifying and outspoken personalities in the industry, Travis hosts OutKick The Show where he provides his unfiltered opinion on the most compelling headlines throughout sports, culture, and politics. He also makes regular appearances on FOX News Media as a contributor providing analysis on a variety of subjects ranging from sports news to the cultural landscape. Throughout the college football season, Travis is on Big Noon Kickoff for Fox Sports breaking down the game and the latest storylines.

Additionally, Travis serves as a co-host of The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show, a three-hour conservative radio talk program syndicated across Premiere Networks radio stations nationwide.

Previously, he launched OutKick The Coverage on Fox Sports Radio that included interviews and listener interactions and was on Fox Sports Bet for four years. Additionally, Travis started an iHeartRadio Original Podcast called Wins & Losses that featured in-depth conversations with the biggest names in sports.

Travis is a graduate of George Washington University as well as Vanderbilt Law School. Based in Nashville, he is the author of Dixieland Delight, On Rocky Top, and Republicans Buy Sneakers Too.