13 Seconds With Britney Spears, Bengals Fans Gone Wild With Super Bowl Spirit & Do Fishing Shanties Lead To Prostitution?

I can feel the emotions building…it’s starting to feel real…I nearly shed a tear compiling Screencaps this morning

This morning it finally hit me for real. The Super Bowl content has reached a fever pitch, and MY Bengals are right in the middle of it all. Holy crap, it’s hitting me. The little kids are wearing their Joe Burrow glasses. The C-list Instagram models are breaking out their Bengals gear. The pets are in their Bengals jerseys. From Athens, OH — Joe Burrow’s hometown — to all the way across southern Ohio into Cincinnati, people are creating content.

My brother, who is paid to create grocery store beer displays east of Dayton, tells me that his employer, the local Miller Lite distributor, was caught so off-guard by the Bengals run that they didn’t have much merchandising ready to go for the Super Bowl. Retailers are getting what they’re getting. Scott says the art department had to do a rush job to modify Coors Light yard markers and turn them into the ‘Who Dey’ signs you see here.

The Super Bowl square numbers are starting to roll in. Like a real squares junkie, I’m thinking of buying more. I’m thinking about the perfect food to buy for Sunday. I’m trying to figure out if I want to watch the game around others. I’m trying to figure out my Sunday schedule. I’m trying to figure out what to wear. How to get my head right heading into kickoff.

I’m also trying to figure out how much social media I want to consume during the game. While the national pundits have been incredibly kind to the Bengals this week — it’s because the Rams have zero vibe and are pretty much the Florida Marlins teams that won the World Series — I’m awaiting the eventual pivot that the blue checkmarks will make. They’re waiting in the weeds to rip the Bengals’ offensive line. They’re waiting to rip Eli Apple.

My theory going into Sunday is to limit my social media consumption and just focus on the game and squares.

• I need to give a shoutout to my neighbors who had their trees trimmed, bushes cut out and a berry tree chopped down Wednesday with a foot of snow on the ground. I wasn’t expecting tree trimmers to be out in 35-degree temps chopping down the tree that has dropped a million berries on their cars because they refuse to clear out their garage so cars can go in the garage.

The guy’s Cadillac looks like someone took a paintball gun and blasted it 500 times. Last year, the Cadillac was so bad that I’m pretty sure he had it sent off to be detailed to get the berry stains out of the cream paint.

Maybe I’ll get lucky, and they’ll sell the house.

• Wednesday I asked questions and a few Screencaps readers had answers.

Michael J. writes

  1. What is the proper number of people to have in a group text?   I think anymore than 5 total people is too much.  With each addition you’re increasing the chances of an information leak. 
  2. What action is guaranteed to get someone thrown out of a group text?  Letting the wife read/influence the group text is a huge no no.
  3. What home purchase item does a married man have 100% say in? TV, lawnmower and all power tools.

Chris Y. writes:

What is the proper amount of people to have in a group text? 5

What action is guaranteed to get someone thrown out of a group text? Pics of himself w/filters.

What home purchase item does a married man have 100% say in? Anything that will spend >33% of the time in the garage.

####

The group text answers are funny because I’m in a group that’s exactly five guys who don’t let their wives read/influence the group text and we’ve never had an issue of members using filters.

• Ryan W. wants in on the gas vs. charcoal drama that’s been going on since Saturday. I’m starting to think that men have 100% say in grill purchases.

Ryan writes:

I use 3 grills. A Weber charcoal, a Weber gas and a Master Built smoker. When it’s cold or rainy I use the gas. When it’s cold/rainy and want to smoke something I use the master built. I have mastered smoking on the Weber it took a while but I have it down to a science. The Weber coals is used all spring summer and fall for almost everything. I have cooking on the Weber down so well I don’t even have to watch or pay attention to it anymore. Get it started throw the meat on set a timer, flip it set a timer, rest it, eat it.

I barely miss a moment. In fact on Thursdays in summer I cut the front yard, light the charcoal chimney, cut the backyard, Spread the coals, grab a shower and a beer and throw the meat on. That’s not possible when it’s raining so gas it is. It’s nice to have options. One thing I’d never do is broil any cut of meat and I’d never use anything that could be used in a car insurance commercial (salamander) gross! Ultimately cook how you want but wood fire makes flavor that cannot be replicated with just gas.

Good luck Sunday, and when the STL Blues went on their run they had Jordan Binnington as their horse to ride. The Bengals have another JB…

• Now let’s get to guys going off on Phill (yes, with two Ls). I’ll give Phill credit for putting it all on the line in this battle he started with charcoal and 12-hour brisket guys.

Brandon B. writes:

Ok Phill… I am going to assume that you are younger and thus have not developed the appreciation for the smaller things in life quite yet. At least that is what I hope. I can’t imagine a more feeble hill to die on than this.

Charcoal gives any meat a smokier taste. Most meat aficionados will argue that a smokier taste is a more flavorful meat. I am sure your dry ass veggie burgers taste fine on the gas grill for you but us real men want a little more flavor with our t-bone. Gas grills are a poor chef and lazy boys easy way out. They are for those that do not have the discipline or skill to actually cook. They are essentially a microwave for talentless hacks like yourself. You wouldn’t understand the perfect coal spread.

You take shots at the community that tries to brew their own beers, doesn’t drink but goes for the taste with the NA beers, and those that like to relish in a slow cook. I am sure you would also frown upon making your own marinade or bbq sauce. You come off the opposite of Indy Darryl’s Do Hard Things. You do easy things. You are a product of the I want it now generation. You are what happens when everyone gets a participation trophy. I suspect even your parents knew at birth you were a beta male and gave you the extra L as reminder. Take this L and deal with it. 

• Jason in Far Nor Cal writes:

I love the community feel we have here. Make America great by sharing experiences. Phill H is a troll. If he’s worried about how men take the time to cook meat, instead of making things better, he’s a troll. He probably pays someone to mow his lawn so he can “spend more time with his wife and kids.” 

I’ve been single coming up on 5 years after 17 legal years of marriage. Gas grill is handy for quick hot dogs or frozen patties for me. Treager hand me down has produced some outstanding ribs. My favorite is the old-school Weber charcoal with a chunk of wood for that smokey flavor. Is there a single-parent thread within this community? Keep up the great content Joe. You are much appreciated and “Who Dey?”

####

You guys throw out single-parent thread questions/thoughts and we’ll get it rolling. Screencaps is clearly a microcosm of American society, so I have to believe their are plenty of hard-working, single-parents reading this column on a daily basis.

What are the hot topics in the single-parent world right now?

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

• Speaking of grills, Dave C. wants you guys to see this one that’s for sale in South Carolina. Now, THIS is some Screencaps content.

https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/477787533787203/

Came across this in a text from a friend, never saw anything this size like this. Price seems crazy, but a lot of fabrication must have gone into it so who knows.  

From the seller:

Pull behind gun grill. 4 sq ft cooking space. Bullets rotate to regulate temperature. Smoke exits end of barrel. Large storage box on front of trailer. Large prep table with swing out extension. All hand made. 1/4″ steel. Schedule 40 pipe. Overall length 15ft. More pictures available

####

You know who’s not cooking on that bad boy? Phill with two Ls! Is this a good deal? It’s a matter of how you want to spend your money. Do you want grown men walking by your barrel with meat smoke billowing out? Do you want to be the Billy Badass grilling machine on your block? Do you want women to take notice of your grilling prowess?

Then perhaps $10k is worth the purchase. Personally, it would look awkward pulling that thing behind my wife’s van onto the ferry to Put-In-Bay. I’m going to pass.

(Ed. note, just so Dave C. can remain calm, he wants everyone to know he’s not the guy selling these gun grills and this is not a paid sponsorship link. Just guys being guys sharing cool stuff.)

• Marty M. writes:

Hello Mr. Kinsey, hope you’re enjoying this super Bowl week. By the way, did you see Ozumah rip off his knee brace at the Bengals rally? I loved it, it was all I needed to see for my final decision on my bet for the game. Quickly on the grill debate, which seems much more intense than the chili back and forth, I have a gas and charcoal. Due to working outside all day, I really dislike being outside once I get off so if I grill, it’s just for a quick something to eat. I never use my charcoal.

It’s been probably three years, but I keep it around in case I want to sometimes. I totally understand the fellas who like to use smokers and enjoy the time it takes. For me, I enjoy sitting inside on those summer evenings and weekends and my lady, who works in an office, hates that about me. That’s why I can’t chime in on the TNML. I curse coming home after being outside all day knowing I have to mow. Group texts are neverending, only use them in cases of emergency.

A man probably has 100% say in a TV and his recliner, that’s probably about it. Also, just curious, what’s on your menu for the game? I know I’m going to get me some of those old-school Natty lights. Have a good weekend.

####

Yes, Marty, I did see Ozumah rip off his knee brace like an old NWA bit that Ric Flair would’ve pulled. I love bits and Ozumah nailed his moment.

The menu: Marty I’m so undecided on this one. I’m thinking about honoring my SW Ohio roots by throwing together Cincinnati chili dogs, but I don’t know what the perfect side is with the chili dogs. Maybe soft pretzels with spicy mustard and jalapeno cheese sauce.

Holy crap I might’ve just come up with my Super Bowl menu. Marty, I think it’s official!

Have a great Thursday.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Numbers from :

https://twitter.com/ACBellino/status/1491732512443404288

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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